These Millennial Men Get Brutally Honest About Friends With Benefits

Friends with Benefits are so damn common these days. It’s hard to find a man who wants something more than just a dump and chase. All women are wondering why the heck no one wants to date us and rather have someone use us for our bodies. And when a bunch of women are wondering what the hell goes on inside a man’s head, we need to get answers.

So using my journalistic skills I learned about back in college I did some digging and found four amazing men who were willing to sit down for an interview and talk about why men prefer friends with benefits over relationships. Each man was extremely different from the other, so let me give a quick idea of what they’re like since it might show you why they answered the way they did.

Guy A: 24, sensitive, considerate and has only had two FWB’s.

Guy B: 26, former party boy, confident, selfish, yet charming.

Guy C: 21, the most laid back individual I have ever met, respectful and blunt.

Question #1: Why would you rather a friend with benefits over a relationship?

Guy A: Because I get lonely and needy sometimes where I want to be fulfilled. It fills a void really. And I’m used to relationships where I get that.

Guy B: I’d rather have one because you get amazing sex without the emotion. And can have whenever you want and still pursue other girls.

Guy C: Doesn’t involve feelings, simpler, probably cheaper… And probably more exciting I guess.

Question #2: Do you believe it’s fair to the girl if you know she wants more to continue to pursue a FWB? If yes, why do it?

Guy A: Absolutely not. It’s extremely selfish for someone to do that to another, especially knowing their intentions and that their heart’s on the line. I could never be responsible for that kind of heartbreak on someone else, and I’d feel way too guilty after seeing her naked, let alone having sex after.

Guy B: Yes and no. If she knows I’m still doing it, she’s doing that to herself. I can’t control the emotional turmoil she puts herself in. My friends would agree with me.

Guy C: No I don’t. I’m not a dick.

Question #3: Has your opinion of a FWB changed over the years? If so, how?

Guy A: Not really, everything’s the same. I just learned to treat her with more respect and have an open friendship with it.

Guy B: No not really. All the ones I’ve had previously (because now I’m with someone serious) the idea hasn’t changed. Open contact, you do what you want, I do what I want. But when it’s time to bang it’s time to bang.

Guy C: No, why would it?

Question #4: Do you ever feel guilty about using someone for just sex?

Guy A: All the time.

Guy B: Nah, not really. It was fun and it worked out for the best.

Guy C: Eventually yes because I’m using them.

Question #5: Do you usually have more than one girl on the go at a time (such as one consistent girl, a few random hookups and a very occasional girl every few weeks or so)?

Guy A: I’m a one girl at a time kind of guy. The risk of diseases is too high!

Guy B: Yeah, sometimes. Maybe have a three or four at a time. Not doing it together, *chuckles* although I wish it was.

Guy C: Only one.

Question #6: Did your friends ever influence you to get into a casual/sexual relationship?

Guy A: As a teenager yes but I didn’t understand why until I came to that conclusion myself.

Guy B: Not really, it was all my choice.

Guy C: Never!

Question #7: Do you believe that your feelings can change with a FWB and eventually start dating?

Guy A: Absolutely, and I can see why girls get that impression so often, especially when there’s an actual friendship involved.

Guy B: I did once, but it was a huge mistake. We were better off hooking up.

Guy C: Yeah eventually I guess. Never happened to me, though.

Question #8: What do you feel makes someone a good FWB?

Guy A: Someone who can communicate and you can have a friendship with.

Guy B: They understand it’s nothing serious and just hook up sex.

Guy C: They have to be open, exciting and fun.

Question #9: How is fuck buddy sex different than relationship sex, and hook up sex?

Guy A: Relationship sex gets old really fast, hook up sex is usually animalistic and sloppy, where as FWB is spur of the moment is fun, playful and you can be experimental which I love.

Guy B: FWB sex is just spur of the moment and more crazy usually. And there’s no cuddling or emotion in the end.

Guy C: I don’t notice a difference.

Question #10: Why do you feel most friend with benefits end?/How do you end it?

Guy A: Someone either finds someone else they would rather date, or life circumstances pull you apart. I end it by having a conversation and letting her know respectfully that I’ve found someone I want to pursue so she doesn’t wonder why I was different or why I ghosted her, and have her doubt herself. She doesn’t deserve that.

Guy B: Usually because it got boring, got a different one, or wanted a relationship with each other or someone else. I just say “thanks, it’s been fun” or I just ghost her.

Guy C: I just stop talking to them only if I want to wash my hands full from them. I feel like most people leave because they just don’t want it anymore for whatever personal reasons.

So as we can see, not all guys are dogs, but some still portray themselves as exactly that. Clearly after seeing their responses that all men are different but it doesn’t appear that they really want anything more than just hooking up. Even a friendship might actually be off the table. This hookup culture that’s taken the world by storm might be leaving lovers in the dust, but it might not be all that terrible if even these guys don’t seem like total bedroom criminals.

Featured Image via couple goals

15 COMMENTS

  1. Guy B is the type of person that will either get infected with an STD, most likely an incurable one at worst, or mess around with the wrong girl and get his brains blown out by her once she finds out he was using her for sex and she can’t take repeatedly getting burned like that any longer. Guy B is definitely a dog. Not to play mental health doctor and make a “diagnosis” but lacking a feeling of remorse or guilt from using people sounds like a sociopath to me. Just imagine how his temper is when he can’t get what he wants. Catastrophic. All women should be warned to stay away from Guy B for the sake of her health.

  2. Brittany, sounds like you have had a few too many fwb situations with the guy “B” type. If you did, you should have understood what fwb is really about. Amazing sex with no commitment for as long as it remains as amazing. When that expires so does the fwb. Very simple.

  3. Guy B sounds like a total asshole. There is no such thing as a friend with benefits. I’ve never been in that situation but had plenty of men try to trick me into one or ask me how to make it happen for them. You’re either friends or you’re not. This whole thing seems to show- once you cross that threshold- you can NEVER be friends. Brittany is 100% right.

  4. Im really in love with my fwb.he knows i am and he doesnt like it.no strings no commitments.i dont hear from him on the weekends he doesnt ask me out even though we have a lot in common and like to do the same things.i see him at work everyday.sometimes hell want sex.then go back to work.he says he likes me alot but does not want. Relationship rght now.
    I think im gonna be hurt and i know it.what do i do.

    • You dump him immediately and have some god damn self respect and leave. Why are you allowing someone to use you and string you along? Do you not see that he does not give a shit about you? Develop some self respect and dump him. Cut off all contact and block him, then get a rebound male to divert your attention. You will soon realize the bitch that he is when the rose coloured glasses come off. Until then, force yourself to act in a way that you would want your best friend or sister to act in. Treat yourself as a priority for god sake.

    • Hi Ginger, I would highly recommend re-thinking your situation. Unfortunately it sounds like he knows you have feelings and is using it to his advantage. You could have someone so much more better in your life but instead he’s taking your time and your heart and he won’t change his feelings for you. Plus he could be leading a different life for all you know. I would cut things off slowly over time and focus on his negative qualities and then look for someone who will be worth your time and effort, and is deserving of your love. Hope this helps!

  5. All of these men are desperate dogs. They are treating women as nothing more than a commodity. But like finds like! These women are desperate enough to allow it!

    Sadly, in a world where sex is so freely available, it is only weak and insecure women who think that being a FWB is a compliment! That said, it seems that the only way to getting a man in to any kind of relstionship is to be sexually available from the off!

    These men use women at will and acknowledge that some of the women clearly want more! Whether they tell them to their face when they’re no longer interested, or skulk off quietly is irrelevant, as they only do so in the hope it will make life easier for themselves. They don’t want to be judged badly or made accountable for the mess they’ve created! Not a very mature response, but imagine how much admitti fault would deflate their ego!

    In short, these men want the ego boost of being sexually desirable, but ultimately think they can do better. When they meet someone they really want, they hope to slip away without consequence!

    What i don’t understand is why would you take the risk of having sex with someone you know you don’t want? I have seen men use women for sex and then suddenly play the victim when the woman announces that they’ve knocked her up! Or the guy goes the other way and pretends they loved her all along! Why? Because once again they are trying to soothe their damaged egos! Damage limitation is not a good basis on which to form a relationship!

    In addition, good women see through these type of guys very quickly! I have been genuinely interested in a few guys, who I realised had a FWB and it put me off them straightaway! Your creepy behaviour does not render you invisible! Sex should be something you share with someone for whom you have genuine affection, not to satisfy some hormonal desire or give you an ego boost! Guys i like have often led me on, telling me I’m sweet, but i know when they went and screwed someone else! It’s written across their face when they next see you! I may be sweet, but i’m not stupid!

    Admittedly, I can’t help wondering if they behaved like that because they got horny when they realised i liked them and they just hadn’t got to asking me out yet, or whether I was simply an ego boost and not someone they ever wanted a relationship with in the first place! Either way, their behaviour causes too many doubts and puts me right off! Good, strong and intelligent women don’t allow themselves to be pushed aside in this way! I am not a toy. I am strong and independent, but it’s still heartbreaking to know that someone you were genuinely attracted to, can just use your interest to boost their ego, screw whoever is most convenient and not even consider how much it is hurting you!

    Guys you are just showing me how weak and selfish you are! Stop screwing with people’s emotions! Stop blurring the lines!

    A friend isn’t someone you use – not for any reason.

  6. I’ve been (and still am) in a fwb with a guy I knew since high school. I got out of a crappy 8 year relationship last year, and at the same time, he was engaged but she cheated on him too many times and he broke it off.

    Mind you, I am a black woman and he’s a white male, and one night when we hung out, he told me (while slightly drunk) that he always found me attractive, even back in high school. but i wasnt sure because i never been in an interracial relationship aside from actual friendships and he was completely over the idea of ever being a relationship period, so we talked about being fwb. Its been a year and 3 months and we still hang out, party, go to concert and then we end up at his place or mine, and after I come home, he texts me memes and ask if i made it home safe before going to bed. He’s also chasing another girl as well fwb me, and i’m busy with my work and i told him to “have fun and wear a condom!” and never had an issue lol its called not investing your emotions and knowing what you are getting into. we’re still fwb, heck, he’s staying over my place during his vacation time off work in June.

    Establish guidelines for yourself and for both participants.
    If you are a jealous person, then this isnt for you.
    If you hold serious relationships highly, fwb is not for you.

    Please understand, nothing is wrong with being FWB until you let it be a problem.

    This article and those whining in the comment section apparently doesnt know how to not be jealous.

    I also feel like everything in this article didn’t actually happen.

    • Hi Tasha,
      Thank you for sharing your feedback and your story. I appreciate your perspective. I can assure you that these are just three interviews with three totally different men and that this is what their honest answers were. This article no where makes a stance of one opinion or the other, that’s entirely for the reader to decide, as it was a simple interview explaining different perspectives.

  7. I’ve got a FWB for a month now, At first we had sex with protection and it was okay the next time he smashed me with no condom and i didnt know until we were in the middle of the act. Worst of all he busted in me and he didn’t know if i was on BC or not!! So we always now having sex with no condom and he keeps bursting in me and he tells me we can’t ever cheat on each other ever!! and i was like yes!! So a few days later he started texting me about how he likes and misses me that i shouldn’t let him go!! So does he really like me as a FWB or he is getting feelings for me??

    • Hi Lenny,
      It sounds like he’s trying to trap you or is confused with his feelings. In a way it’s like he’s trying to manipulate you into staying with him and do something you aren’t comfortable with. If you aren’t okay with having unprotected sex and have the risk of pregnancy or contracting an STI, that in itself is a huge red flag that he continuously does it. I would definitely re-consider staying with him!
      Good luck!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.