For the record – I am currently single, and have been for a while. I have had my fair share of relationships though, and have seen how intense some relationships can get in a short amount of time. I have been the friend who has been left behind for a boyfriend, and I’ve also been the girl whose been so invested in a boy that I have forgotten about my girls. I am forever thankful for my girls for not giving up on me, and picking up the pieces once my last relationship ended.
I was once invested into a boy who I gave my all to, and no matter what anyone said – I thought he was perfection. I hung onto every word that he spoke, and always put him first. I would cancel on plans with my friends if he called and wanted to hang out. I was that girl, the one that you all hate. Months later, after we both chose to end things, I realized just how wrong I was. I risked my closest friendships to please him, and even though my girls forgave me, it wasn’t okay.
Fast forward a few years later when my best friend was in a relationship with a guy that I didn’t care for. The two of us barely fight but during that relationship, we fought constantly; for a few years, the friendship had even ended. At this stage, I now knew what it felt like to be the one to give constant advice to deaf ears, to be constantly ditched and forgotten about, and ignored by someone who forgot about all her friends after she got a boyfriend. While my best friend and I can now laugh about her previous relationship, it definitely took a while for the two of us to get back to the way things were before her relationship.
While there are millions of reasons why you should choose your girls over any current boyfriend, the following reasons are the most important:
- Your girls have probably been there for you from the beginning, sure there’s been a couple of fights but in the grand scheme of things – 10+ years of friendships trumps the guy you’ve been dating for a year.
- Your friendship will always be one of a kind, there is no one like your group of friends. They know everything before you even say it, there’s no guess-work, you probably have to explain everything to your boyfriend but your friends, they just get it.
- The girls have seen you at your worst and accept it. They understand when you get bitchy, but don’t be surprised when they call you out on it. While your boyfriend will get annoyed, and maybe say something, there is nobody like your girlfriends to keep you humble (even when you’re not asking for it).
- You never have to think before you speak with your friends, can you say the same about your boyfriend? Probably not.
- Honesty is everything – while your boyfriend’s opinion will be predisposed, and they’ll give an answer that they think you want, your girls will tell you the truth. It’s not that your boyfriend is trying to hurt you; your friends are just bolder in saying things like “no, that dress does not look good on you.”
- Your boyfriend will never understand your crazy plans, and may even try to damper them but not the girls. While your friends may give you a WTF look, in the end, they will always be down for all the crazy adventures you propose.
- Your friendship doesn’t take effort! Most likely, the closest friendships you have are ones that came out of nowhere. Unlike your relationship, your friendship with the girls just happened, and spur of the moment things always last.
- Most importantly, your friendship with your closest group of friends is a forever friendship. They’ve been there forever, and as much as you get annoyed with one another, and go periods where you don’t talk because of a dumb fight, you’ll always be there for one another. Your group of friends have seen people disappear from each other’s lives, and you know each other’s biggest pet peeves, and darkest secrets and you all stick around. Boyfriends, and even husbands will come and go (hopefully not) but there’s no divorce or break ups for you and your girls. That ship sailed a long time ago, you’re stuck with one another forever.
Being on both sides of the spectrum has affected how I handle relationships and was a big eye-opener in the type of girl I was, and the type of girls I want to be friends with. I would not be able to survive life without my girlfriends; they are the ones who reassure me when I want to do something crazy and support me in all my endeavors. Through all of life’s changes – from silly moments to serious matters, my girls have been the constant factor in my life. I refuse to risk a sisterhood for a relationship that may not last. Everyone needs balance in life, and it’s up to you to make sure that you make time for your boyfriend and your friends. Also, I hope that my future boyfriend realizes that if he does not accept my girls, there will not be a long future in the relationship. I’m sure (at least, I hope) that he would expect the same of his friends and me.
As cliché as it sounds, the saying “boys will come and go but friends will stay forever” is true. I have a small circle of friends and a big group of acquaintances. The people who I do call my close friends are family, and they will always be number one. Relationships end all the time, but true friendship remains until the test of time.