It’s no secret that guys say some truly stupid sh*t sometimes almost always. *insert nod in agreement* Why? I haven’t a damn clue. Now, don’t get me wrong, women say some seriously messed up sh*t too sometimes, but at least we’re capable of learning from our mistakes. Men, you may just be a lost cause, I mean all we can really do is hope things won’t get worse and keep our fingers and toes crossed. You know, hope for the best but prepare for the worst kind of thing.
Now before you get all “Melissa, that’s so mean…” bullsh*t, hear me out. I’ve surveyed young women across the country asking them to “Name some of the stupid, messed up, or plain WTF things guys have said to you.” With their responses I’ve managed to put together a countdown of the 18 times men proved just how stupid they are.
18. After hooking up for two weeks: “I don’t want to mess up our friendship by trying a relationship. We can keep hooking up though.”
Sure, no problem.
17. On a first date: “You choose where we’re going for dinner. I’ll just be sleeping here in the car. Wake me up when you decide.”
I’ve never wanted to literally kick someone out of a moving car before. Tuck and roll b*tch.
16. After having sex: “I don’t want to sleep over because I don’t want to get attached.”
I wasn’t going to share my bed with you anyway.
15. “Don’t try to use any of that feminist bullshit on me.”
Afraid it might rub off on you and help you grow a pair of balls or something?
14. “I guess you don’t really have to worry about dropping your phone in the toilet because your thick thighs would stop it.”
At least one of us has something that’s “thick”.
13. “You should really start doing squats, your tits are nice, but I don’t really like tits.”
You should really start going to class, your body is nice, but I don’t really like mindless douchebags.
11. “Do you think your sister would be into having a threesome with us? No? What about your brother?”
Yeah, you know, I think my dad wanted to show you his shotgun up close and personal.
10. After being exclusive for 7 months: “Why would I meet your parents? It’s not like we’re actually dating.”
You know what? You’re right, how silly of me to assume we were dating because I just stayed at your place every weekend, met your entire family, went on dates almost every night, and exchanged “I love you’s”. I can see how I misunderstood the situation.
9. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were this short. I like girls who have more leg.”
I like guys who have more d*ck…but here you are.
8. “It’s not technically considered cheating since you know her.”
Got it. Makes total sense.
7. After returning home from vacation: “You look less fat.”
And you look single.
6. “I’m sorry, I can’t get off looking at you. Mind turning around?”
Do you mind shutting the f*ck up and dying?
5. “Are your boobs real? Yeah? Can I touch them?”
You are a child.
4. “Why can’t you be more like my ex?”
And break up with you? Done.
3. Drunken old man blatantly hitting on me at a college bar: “I’d f*ck you if you didn’t look like my daughter.”
You know what, I totally would do the same…but I don’t have daddy issues.
2. “So I don’t think this date is going well…can we split the check?”
You’re a waste of space, so I’m thinking you should pay.
1. “You curse too much.”
You breathe too much.
There you have it friends. Now guys, do you see why most women hate your species? Learn to shut the actual f*ck up. Please. Ladies, reply in the comments stupid, messed up, or WTF things guys have said to you!
Featured Image via screengrab of The Lonely Island.
One time a guy told me “hey you look like you lost weight! It’s hot, you should do that some more.” OK BYE