You know that pre-honeymoon phase in a relationship? Those few “I won’t poop anywhere near you” months where you’re not comfortable enough to reveal your true self. Those are the months of hiding your many weird quirks and not-so pretty habits. However, they’re also the months where we assess if our new love is fit for us and, in order to do so, we have to sit on the borderline of what’s creepy and what’s not.
Here are 9 borderline creepy things we all do when we start dating someone new:
1. Obsessive Facebook stalking. Who are all of these girls he hangs out with? Oh look, he clicked “going” to an event, is he gonna invite me? We’re just trying to get some insight into what kind of person they are on social media. Perhaps his Aunt Sharon or cousin Tim has some info on their profiles about him…
2. Check out their bath products and bathroom cabinets when you use their bathroom. Listen, I can’t be running my hands through your hair if you don’t even own shampoo. It doesn’t hurt to just make sure…
3. Replying to their text messages scary fast. Should I wait 5 minutes since he waited 5 minutes to reply to me? Ugh no, I have to reply now in case he’s too busy to reply to it in 10 minutes. Oh wow, he replied right away. Okay, Sonic the Hedgehog, calm down.
4. Staring at them ALL. THE. TIME. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re bound to find them attractive for the most part, and you’ll want to constantly be looking at them. I don’t care how bad you think you look, my eyes are gonna be on you either way, even when you don’t notice me looking. It’s just like that song that goes, “Private Eyes They’re Watching You”…
5. Tell everyone you know all about them. You’re just too excited to keep it in. You’re dying to talk about their awesome hair and cute butt. So naturally, you tell everyone. Yes, even the mailman.
6. Wanting to go EVERYWHERE with them. Oh, you’re going to the doctor? Yeah I could use a trip. Bathroom break? Let me come with you. Whether it’s running errands at the store or stopping by the post office to pick up a package, you have to do it together. It’s like the old saying goes, couples who poop together, stay together…I think.
7. Like every single one of their Instagram posts. Eventually it turns into liking very specific posts, but for now if it’s posted, well hey, I gotta show my support.
8. Wake up at early hours in the morning when you have a sleepover just to poop while they’re asleep. Sometimes you just can’t hold it in anymore and when you have nowhere else to go, the best solution is to do it when your new beau is passed out. It’s like it never happened!
9. Looking over their shoulder when they send a text. You’re with me! Who could you possibly be texting?
We simply want to know if our significant other is suitable to be cuddling with, long-term. Of course things change over time, and you stop doing all the unnecessary creepy things that new girlfriends and boyfriends do. In the meantime however, expect to spend many early mornings doing hair and makeup pretending you “woke up like this”.