Sex is important, and while it’s not everything, I have yet to speak with a woman who doesn’t secretly question if she is the best her partner has ever had.
This desire or need isn’t necessarily about insecurities but the overall foundation of it is that all of us, men and women alike, want to be viewed as special or irreplaceable. So, to bring that fundamental idea to the bedroom only amplifies this desire, but asking “am I the best you’ve ever had?” is something that not only kills the mood, it also locks our partner into a no-win situation.The idea is to actually be so good in the bedroom that you don’t need to ask if you are the best he’s ever had because you’ll be able to know already.
You actually have to enjoy sex.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but as a close friend told me once, “if you really enjoy doing something (like giving head), you’re automatically going to be better at it.” This is a simple truth that really is the gasoline for our desires, and willingness to try new things in the bedroom.
I’m not saying that you have to pretend to like everything that may come up as an option in the bedroom, but what you do like is also what you should focus on, and don’t be afraid to show how much you enjoy something.
There’s nothing that’s more of a turn off in the bedroom than a woman that seems indifferent to the whole experience, or who lays there like a wet dishrag just waiting for it to be done and over with.The whole point of sex is to express desire, and in some cases, intense emotional feelings towards one another, so it also goes without saying that in order to really be the best he’s ever had, we also want to try to make that effort.
Confidence is Key
One of the worst things that a woman can do in the bedroom, or wherever the desire hits, is if she shows that she is self-conscious. There is no way to fully let go and enjoy sex if you are worried about how your boobs look, or if your stomach is flat enough or even that pimple on your face. In reality, none of that matters because there isn’t a person alive that doesn’t look at themselves and feel even slightly insecure about some aspect of their physicality. Your partner is there with you and no one else, which means: why be self-conscious of anything? Let yourself undress completely, leave the lights on, don’t give a second thought to the stretch marks or the way your stomach looks.
Let yourself enjoy the way your body looks and moves because the more confidence we have in who we are naturally; regardless of size, the better we will be between the sheets.
Don’t be Afraid to be Yourself
This can definitely go with confidence, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about owning who you are and what turns you on. As we have sex more frequently with a new partner, our own idiosyncrasies will come out; the way we sigh as we lean into their kiss, the favorite positions we like to try again and again, or the little things that will make us laugh while we are in the act. One of the most important aspects of being the best he’s ever had is to let yourself show these unique little aspects of yourself.
It’s these quirks that make you who you are and also what will endear you to him; they are the qualities that separate you from the others he’s shared his bed and body with. The thing that’s interesting is that most men will not say that the most gorgeous woman or the one with the best body was the best they ever had, but it was the one who wasn’t afraid to be naked or to giggle while trying to get his pants off. He’s going to want you because of who you are, so let yourself show that to him.
Throw Out the Rule Book
Okay, I know that we all have those little things we say we would, or would never try, but don’t actually listen to ourselves. Also, don’t we have to try something at least once in order to know how we feel about it? We have so many rules in this life for how to do everything and be the person society expects of us, but in the bedroom, we’re simply free to have fun and experiment. This means to not be afraid to mix it up.
Be the seductress, the innocent, the naughty nurse, whatever it is you choose, just have fun trying on different personas or moods. Surprise him in the shower, answer the door naked, and wake him up in the middle of the night by going down on him.
When we have sex for the night right before we fall asleep we also are boxing ourselves into certain stereotypes, instead, remember that yes sex is the most connected that a man and woman can be but it should also be fun.
We should enjoy sex, and we should let ourselves try new things, whether its positions, types of sex, dress up, foreplay, or even talking dirty. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to feel is off the table because when we truly are being sexually intimate with a new partner we should also not hold back. The difference between just “eh” and “wow” is an attitude, not looks. He’s with you because he wants to be, and now the only thing you have to do is simply let yourself go so that you can truly enjoy sex and really have fun doing it. Because we all want to be unforgettable, especially in the bedroom.
Featured Image via We Heart It