You’re losing me slowly but surely even though you promised you never would. We made a pact to remain friends regardless of the outcome and to save whatever love we have for each other left. We crave each other and enjoy each other’s company far too much to let each other go in our separate directions. But sadly I can’t keep fighting for what we have left if you don’t have any fight in you too. You’re losing me and you don’t even realize it.
For each time you don’t answer my call, you’re losing me. You leave me to feel helpless and pathetic for trying. Eventually, you won’t be a number I’ve memorized and won’t even come into thought when I desperately need to talk to someone. I once felt supported by you but that feeling is slowly dying.
For each time you take me for granted, you’re losing me. You know that I become weak in the knees to you extremely easily. You know just as much as I do that I will do anything you ask the moment you request it. I’ve always been about nurturing you and being there for you when you needed me, but it’s no longer being reciprocated.
For each time you decline my invitation to hang out, you’re losing me. What happened to all of the goals we wanted to scratch off our bucket lists? I know I remember them. But do you? It’s pathetic that I can’t even see you so we can go get ice cream. Clearly, you don’t want to see me anymore and I have to accept it.
For each time you express your love for me but chose another girl, you’re losing me. I remember when you spoke about me in that way and chose me over anyone else. All I’ve ever done is chosen you, and now you can’t even see how much it hurts me to hear you speak and rub it in my face. It hurts more than any slap will.
For each time my snap goes opened and my text goes unanswered, you’re losing me. I purposely send you Snapchats to see if you’re ignoring me and my point has been proven time and time again. Now I wonder why I bother. I know you’re purposely ignoring me.
For each time you’ve caused me to lay in bed sobbing, wondering why I’m not enough, you’re losing me. You don’t even have to do anything to make me feel that way aside from you just being the same you I knew and loved. I went from feeling like a priority to a burden and it’s crushing that you can’t just end things with me. I’d rather be hurt from knowing than hurt from wondering.
All I’ve ever done is chosen you, supported you, cherished you and loved you. And after all, we’ve been through together you don’t even have the courtesy to give me the same in return. You’ve left me feeling incredibly unwanted and helpless and I’m done with waiting around for you to realize it.
Now I’m at the point where I don’t need to be pushed away because now I’m making the decision to make your life easier and just walk away. I know you’ll realize something’s wrong when we go more than a few days without speaking. I know that when you reach out and I take my sweet time replying, or be dry with you that it’ll bother you. You’ll overthink about why I’m not the same girl I once was with you.
When you see the illusion of me being loved by someone else I’ll portray on my social media you’ll get jealous and feel disappointed that you lost me. The truth is, there won’t be another because the only person who’s going to love me these days is myself. You’ll feel the same defeat I’ve been harvesting inside my heart for months now. You’ll suddenly remember all the reasons why you loved me and that you’re ready for me. But you’ll realize it when I’m already gone with no intentions to return.
It’s your turn to feel the discouragement, confusion, doubt, worry and the heartache. It’s your turn to feel unlovable and unwanted for months on end. It’s your turn have a million questions to go unanswered. And it’s your turn to realize that I’m all you’ve wanted this whole time and to come crawling back to me, begging for one more opportunity. And it’s my turn to push you away. You’ve pushed me too far away to ever pull me back in so I’m walking away for myself.
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