Here’s What Happened When I Wore A Candy Necklace To The Bar

A few weeks back, some close girlfriends and I got hammered. Not gonna lie, nothing new there. What was new, however, was my accessory of choice.

As someone who prides themselves on being a quote “good eater,” my talent does place me at a disadvantage. I can get hungry at but a moment’s notice; if I haven’t eaten two full meals before the bar, I’m screwed. One second I’m knee deep in a prime jam sesh to “Mr. Brightside,” sweaty and content with life, and the next I’m suddenly hangry crying, sans pants, in the bathroom stall drunk dialing any human I know to go get food with me.

Sound familiar? Well, this night I told myself I would be different. This night I would last longer than 45 minutes at the bar.

When my friend and I unwrapped our candy necklaces at the pre game, it was a riot. They were fashioned as chokers on our twenty year old necks, therefore not only were they delicious, but they were hella trendy. Prior to this night, I didn’t think chokers were a look for me, but my Willy Wonka inspired accessory felt… right.

Arriving at the bar, the first person to comment was the woman at the coat check.

“Oh shit, a candy necklace?” she said with a laugh. “You’re pretty freaky, huh?”

I fake laughed and walked away whilst a wash of realization came over me.

Am I freaky enough for this?

The coat check woman wasn’t wrong. Within a few minutes of me breaking it down on the dance floor, I had multiple men come up and ask “IS THAT EDIBLE BABY?!” while reaching for my neck.

I’d laugh and take a bite of a chalky jewel, immediately deterring them from further conversation and prompting them to pretend they knew the girl behind me. I’d sigh a breath of relief and continue moonwalking my way across the dance floor.

Normally my dance moves act as a natural male deterrent, but tonight, nothing could calm these boys’ sweet tooth. I did, however, find the necklace prompted faster service at the bar. Most bartenders were curious as to what possessed a grown woman to wear jewelry meant for a 5-year-old’s birthday party loot bag, to a bar.

I found myself mindlessly gnawing at the necklace the drunker I got. My friends began slapping my hands away from the dampened-by-my-own-saliva candy, but I couldn’t help it. It was calming my drunk rage hunger, which they ended up being hella thankful for.

Towards the end of the night, I spoke to a few guys who weren’t super aggressive, and the necklace became but a distant memory. It was a great conversation piece, but my “ability to be freaky” wasn’t the focus of our conversations.

The verdict? I’m not mad at my night at all. It was hilarious to look at myself in the mirror all night and remind myself I’m wearing a f*cking candy necklace at the bar. But honestly, if you’re going to experiment with pretty much anything, the bar with your friends is the best place to do it. So the next time you’re looking to jazz up your go to bar outfit, forget a new jacket or pair of shoes; a candy necklace from your closest dollar store is the way to GO!

Featured image via “candy necklace” by madelinetosh / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0


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