We all know the signs of being in love. The grass is that much greener. Songs on the radio sound that much better. The world is spinning round and round and you can’t keep that giant grin on your cute little face. We all know this because the wonderful part about our universe is that there’s no shortage of love to go around. Statistically speaking, there’s always one person on the planet who think that their partner is just the bee’s knees. And that’s swell, it really is.
On the other side, there are those telling signs of falling out of love and heartbreak and everything in-between. There are stages of self-loathing, desperation, anger, hopelessness, and every emotion that we can’t help but feel in the pits of our stomach. Those exist too. But every so often, there’s that neutral middle ground that we find ourselves floating on.
We’re single, but content with it.
We’re not infatuated with anyone, but we’re not heartbroken enough to be against the idea. In my opinion, I think this is the best stage of romance to be in. To find true love, you have to be secure enough with yourself being alone first. No one wants to develop their identity through constant roller coasters of up’s and down’s. If you think that you might in this underrated middle state, there are some signs that might prove you right.
1. There’s not a looming presence in your head.
I find that people in love are obnoxious for the sole reason that every word and action somehow revolves back to the person that they adore. Which, okay, isn’t a terrible thing because it’s natural and we all do it. But when you’re not feeling attached to anyone, you find your thoughts wandering off when cheesy, romantic anything comes your way. You’re not upset, you just can’t emotionally relate to it. Songs are just songs, pictures of #relationshipgoals are just strangers, and subtweets about the “not texting back” ordeal is just another passive aggressive sh*tstorm you don’t have to deal with. For once in your life, you have your mind to yourself without a romantic interest filling up space.
2. You don’t worry about relationships.
With single people, there tend to be different types of them. You have the classic “I’m never going to find love again” figure, you have the “I’m desperate to be in a relationship for some reason or another” fella, you have a couple in-between and some so absurd that they don’t even fall on the spectrum of being single. But when you’re content about not being in love, you don’t really even notice it. You’ve made peace that someday, you’ll fall in love again. You don’t know when or where or who or why, but you’re patient enough to not to push it.
3. There are stronger motivating forces.
The really nice thing about not being in love is how much work you get to accomplish. Of course, this isn’t to be mistaken with the “I’m going to throw myself into work to avoid my feelings!” situation. When there’s not a pressure to find distractions, you find yourself drawn to activities that you’re genuinely passionate about. You’re working hard because you want to work hard, not because you’re running away from something. This is the process where most people discover their true self. There’s no heavy, outside presence weighing down on you so you’re free to pursue your own journey at your own leisure. Embrace this period before someone inevitably * it up with emotions and whatnot. (Kidding…sort of.)
4. You are the sole decision maker.
Firstly, no one should be making your decisions for anyone. Whoever is reading this: you are a strong, independent person and absolutely no one should have power over your actions. If you find yourself making all of your decisions based around one person, get the f*ck out of that relationship. But moving forward: there are still compromises that you have to make in a healthy relationship. Small, minor things that you probably don’t even notice until you’re in one. You don’t have to ask your partner about their lunch preference. You don’t have to watch their Netflix show for the billionth time. You are suddenly in control of these admittedly insignificant details of your life. Congratulations.
5. People are starting to comment.
Like with any situation, there are the nasty little cons that pop up to ruin our moment. There are two big cons of being in the stage where you’re just not even slightly into anyone. The first one is that you really don’t have a reason to cry over Taylor Swift songs. That doesn’t mean you don’t do it – it just means that there’s literally no valid excuse. Like, c’mon. I’d let someone break my heart to relate to her Red album just a bit more. The other big con is that all of your friends get annoying as f*ck because it’s odd for society to see people not base their existence around someone else. So, prepare for a lot of snide comments and not-to-subtle hints after every interaction you have with anyone ever (Really, Brittanie? You think I’m going to find my soul mate at a Dunkin’s drive-thru? It would be Taco Bell, if anything. Calm yourself.)
In short: enjoy this golden era. Before you know it, you’ll be drunkenly singing along to Adele at the club and texting your crush like everyone else.