No, I Don’t Drink: 10 Lies We’ve All Told Our Doctors

I absolutely hate going to the doctor’s office. Doctor’s appointments have ruined so many of my days, and I’m too old to get a lollipop merely for showing up, so really, what’s the point in going anymore? I find it’s an increasingly problematic trend but my doctor loves asking questions that leave me no choice but to lie in my answer.

Let’s be real though, I know I’m not alone…. we’ve all lied to our doctors, and frankly, it’s 100% okay. When the doctor asks us questions like “how often do you drink?” you’re bound to giggle under your breath after saying “oh, you know, just a glass of wine every now and then !” Here are my 10 favorite lies that I’ll probably regret telling my doctor one day:

  1. “How are you today, Yunesta?”

I’m good! I’m so good, I’m here for fun. Of course I’m not good why else would I be here ?

  1. “How often do you consume alcohol per month?”

I only have like, 2 drinks a month… 2 bottles of wine technically count as two drinks. Everyone knows that.

  1. “Are you drinking 8 glasses of water everyday?”

I drink TONS of water. Like, so much…usually mixed in with agave in a little drink my squad and I like to call Tequila.

  1. “Tell me what your diet is like. Are you eating healthy now that you’re in college?”

I eat healthy ALL the time. I even pay $2 extra for the guac at Chipotle…daily.

  1. “Are you getting in a daily workout?”

 I try to exercise for an hour every day“try .”

  1. “How did you manage to dislocate your knee this time?”

I definitely was not doing anything reckless, nor was I intoxicated when I dislocated my kneecap for the third time.

7. “Are you taking omega-3, B12, and vitamins C and D every day?”

I take gummy vitamins like once a year… do those count?

8. “How tall are you Yunesta?”

I think I’m around 5’6”… on a good day…when my hair is in a top knot

9. “So what brings you in today?”

OMG I’ve had the worst headache for like, two weeks. (It’s actually been like 2 days and it might be a really long hangover but who knows. Better safe than sorry?)

  1. “How’s school going? Are you loving all of your classes? How’s your program?”

School’s going so well, I’m absolutely loving all of my courses and I’m not even that stressed out yet! (I haven’t slept in 3 weeks and I have espresso in my bloodstream ask me one more time how school is going. I dare you.)

Okay, don’t get me wrong, I don’t lie to my doctor every single time I see her. I don’t even want to lie when I do. Lying just isn’t a good idea in general (major life lesson here). But, I am forced to lie when I have to, and only about minor details of my life. It’s totally fine though, I’ve been spreading white lies to my doctors about things like my vitamin intake and wine consumption for years and I’m still alive, so clearly I’m not doing anything wrong. Do I want my doctor to know I’m the world’s biggest hot mess? Obviously not. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do and if that means I hide my wine consumption then so be it, because I’m probably not going to change my patient-doctor communication habits, and let’s be real: neither are you.

Featured image via Helena Lopes on Pexels


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