Remember that time your boyfriend pissed you off? Like when he was talking to “just a friend,” but we both know she wishes she was more than that? I see you betch. Or what about that time he decided to cancel on you so he could hang with the boys? Oh, and the loud petty arguments – or worse – the silent treatment that’s filled with side eye glances. Talk about annoying and stressful. Now that I’m thinking about it, why even bother being in a relationship with a guy…especially when wine exists.
Let’s discuss the 16 reasons why wine is better than having a boyfriend, shall we?
1. Wine has no problem opening up to you.
Once you open him up, he stays like that. You don’t need to wait for months at a time to gain his trust.
2. Wine will never ask you to choose between him or your friends.
He doesn’t mind tagging along – in fact, your friends will most likely love him. And if those friends are also in relationships, they’ll bring their wine baes along too so your man won’t be alone.
3. Wine always knows what you want.
And what you want is wine. And wine is all yours. How could your relationship be any better?
4. Wine is loved by all.
You don’t have to worry about bringing him home to meet your family. They’ll welcome him with open arms, and he’ll make your mom blush.
5. Wine will watch whatever you want on TV.
6. Wine is always up for a good time.
He’s never “too tired” or “too drunk.” He is up to doing whatever you want to do.
7. Wine tastes sooooooo good.
You’ll never get sick of the way he tastes. Ever. And last time I checked, boys don’t taste like sweet love in the bottle.
8. Wine never asks you what’s for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
Because he is what’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner…and your midnight snack. He’s got some serious stamina. 😉
9. Wine gets you drunk with no hidden agenda.
He doesn’t want to get in your pants, he just wants to hang.
10. Wine knows how to make you blush.
Try having a glass without blushing…you can’t, because it’s impossible.
11. Wine will never judge you.
He’ll be right there while you open up your second pint of Ben & Jerry’s or eat the other half of that pumpkin pie.
12. Wine is good for your health.
He’s good for your heart, so that just means he’ll never break it.
13. Wine gets better with age.
He won’t have a mid-life crisis and buy a motorcycle or try and hit on the babysitter.
14. Wine never gets jealous if you want to play the field.
He’ll appreciate you broadening your horizons.
15. Wine lasts a long time.
He isn’t done after 2 minutes; he can last all night. Especially if you take it nice and slow.
16. Wine will never leave you hanging.
He’ll never cancel on you last minute, nor will he ignore your texts on a Friday night. Know why? Because he never leaves your side, and you couldn’t be more appreciative of it.
Wine is and always will be there for you. When life starts to get tough, he won’t run from you. When you get a little too drunk and spill your heart out to him, he won’t say, “I think we should take a break, things are moving too fast.” He’ll be there for you when you have a rough day at work. Or when you and your best friend have a fight. Seriously though, you’re not going to do any better than wine, so why even bother trying?