Like a small child, I go through my daily life questioning everything. Where do babies come from? Can’t chocolate be considered a food group? Why is the sky blue? Why do professional football/baseball players feel the need to adjust themselves on national television as if no one is watching? Who invented Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and have they received a National Award for it yet?
While most of my questions will make you look at me as if I have taken one too many hits to the head, I like to feel that I am really investigating life. Asking the questions that really make you think about the world. Also, I like to think about a lot of useless knowledge, which is where we are getting to today. So please feel free to ponder life with me or, if you have the time, help to educate me on the questions that I ask myself daily about this crazy world that we live in.
Let us begin, shall we:
- How do some people put on pants in the morning? I mean it is a struggle watching some people attempt to get through life, so I just like to picture how hard it is for them to jump full force into their pants instead of one leg at a time.
- How can people be so negative ALL THE TIME? Literally, do you wake up thinking, whose parade can I rain on today?
- Why is it that weekends FLY by, but it has felt like a century since The Walking Dead season finale? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD I NEED TO KNOW DARRYL IS GOING TO STAY ALIVE THIS SEASON!
- How can men eat ten pizzas and gain nothing, but women can eat a grape and gain 900 pounds? Seriously this is a bunch of sexist crap. I blame the male population for this. Obviously.
- Why have they not invented a coffee IV yet? Starbucks – Please work on this!
- Who is Hillary’s stylist? I will not be going to him/her. Wait a second, does anyone have their phone number? I need a pant suit for my Halloween costume.
- Why does The Donald think “Doritos” is a good skin color? Just like “fetch”, Doritos is never going to work Trumpie, stop trying to make it happen!
- Why do people tailgate in bumper to bumper traffic? Yes, those five inches that you got next to the ass of my vehicle got you so much farther! Honk if you are proud!
- Why do men feel that women should be the one chasing them? Sorry, no thank you. Not happening. Find a puppy to chase after you.
- Yet another follow-up, why do I question so much of the Kardashians’ existence?! PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY?!
- Another follow-up, how is there enough room in the world for Kim’s ass and Kanye’s egos to exist, let alone in the same house? But for real, why do I think about these things?
- Follow up question, how does one make a sex tape, gets their whole family famous off of it and then try to become a role model? But seriously.
- How do people still watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians? Do we not get enough dumb news about them that we have to spend our nights watching their bootyliciousness?
- Why do people think it is okay not to answer a text? It is 2016. We all know you saw the text. We all know a gorilla didn’t steal your phone. Just answer it.
- Why do men still use the term “bang”?: It just makes me want to sing a Nicki Minaj song and it doesn’t involve you getting laid at the end of it.
- Why do people have a problem listening? Don’t make me say it again or you are going to get hit with a vicious eye roll.
- How have we come to the conclusion that Trump and Clinton are the “best fit” Americans that we have to rule the United States? But seriously, is there anyone, anyone at all? Anyone want to volunteer as tribute?
- Why is it the people who say they have no money are the ones that are spending it like it is the end of the world? Seriously have you never heard of a savings account?
- How does Britney Spears still look so good?! Two kids, two divorces, a shaved head and beat paparazzi with an umbrella incident, and she still looks better than 99.3% of the population.
- What is the deal with “clowning”? Why is this a thing? Who are these people? Why is this your chosen hobby? How have you all not been exterminated yet?
- Why can’t Miley Cyrus put her tongue away? I understand it is big, but why? You don’t see men whipping it out everywhere… Wait…
- Follow-up question – Why are men always whipping it out everywhere? Seriously men, we genuinely do not want to see it. Ever.
- What is an acceptable age to retire? 32-33? Isn’t that when Zuckerberg called it quits?
- When will J.K. Rowling adopt me? But seriously, I will keep the Harry Potter legacy going if you will let me. Teach me your ways!
- Why don’t people think it is okay to call my dog my “fur child”? I take care of him just like you take care of your child, sometimes better I might add.
I hope you all understand that I do have more educated questions/thoughts that go through my head throughout the day, but I know that some of the questions above I am not alone on. We are all in this crazy world together and should be helping each other out in difficult times, and sometimes that means with dumb questions. So when you have the chance, help someone out with a random dumb question of theirs or even give a profound thought that can help to educate the world. With that, I leave you with my profound thought of the day thanks to Ron Swanson.
Featured image via Marat Safin