It seems that all anyone can talk about lately, is a 70-year-old, slightly orange American. You may know him as Donald Trump. On June 16th 2015, when Trump announced his plans to pursue presidency of the United States of America all we could do was scoff. If he could be president, so could Mr Smith from down the street. Lately,Trump has turned his election campaign from impossible to terrifyingly possible. So what would the world look like with the silver-spooned Trump as the Commander-in-Chief of the world’s most expensive military and the largest nuclear arsenal?
1. Moving into the white house.
He’s come from humble beginnings. The luxury of the white house will take some getting used to. Like that time his father gave him “a small loan of a million dollars.” He truly did start from the bottom to end up here.
2. Mr. President, where do we get the funding to build the 14 billion dollar wall?
“I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.” I’m sure Mexico will happily pay for a wall that costs the equivalent of Jamaica’s GDP. Perhaps he could ask George R.R Martin on wall building advice?
3. How does Mexico feel about this?
…To be continued.
4. Shut down the internet:
“We’re losing a lot of people because of the Internet,” Trump said. “We have to go see Bill Gates and a lot of different people who really understand what’s happening.” Zuckerberg are you getting in on this once in a lifetime deal?
5. Get rid of Obamacare and replace it with something “terrific”:
Something that is “so much better, so much better, so much better.” Sounds pretty believable, like those emails you get from Nigerian princes claiming to double your money. Sign me up.
6. Pick “REALLY great supreme court justices”.
Trust me, I know a guy who know’s a guy that can get the job done. Don’t worry, everything will stay within the constitution.
7. Kill relatives of terrorists.
So I got this really great new app on my phone, it gives me a list of all the terrorists (they sign up through Gmail) and everyone in their immediate family. We’re excluding distant relatives for now, you know how hard great aunts can be to track down.
8. On the dangers faced by journalists around the world.
“I hate some of these people, but I would never kill them.” I’m looking at you Hilary. On second thought, you should probably get some extra security.
9. Stop saying things that are politically correct.
He will also stop saying things that are correct in general.
My advice if the above does end up happening, move to Canada. We have poutine and a smoking prime minister who is not bananas. In the end, both Trump and Clinton have unusually high negative ratings. Exercise your vote and pick the lesser of two evils. At least we have #Kanye2020 to look forward to.
Featured Image via realdonaldtrump