You believe that true love is the answer, the cure to all your fears, doubts, and insecurities. The longer you remain single, the more you believe that the magical moment you find your forever person is the moment that all your problems will melt away. But a soulmate is not a remedy. Your soulmate won’t fix your problems, but they will show you why you deserve to.
A soulmate won’t cure the work stress that’s piled up on you, your anger at the world, or your secret need for attention.
The same problems that weigh you down exist for everyone, from the perpetually single “cat lady” to the casual hookup fanatic to the happy couple you and your friends always seem to admire. That happy couple may look like they never encounter problems, but both partners struggle with their own demons that love just can’t cure. And the same goes for anyone who’s in a happy, loving relationship — a soulmate provides support for personal problems but not the will or ability to fix them.
Your soulmate will accept you with all of the problems you carry, but a true soulmate won’t want you to live in mental anguish.
They’ll help you plan for a future that fulfills you and encourage you to take steps towards the life of your dreams. They’ll gently call you out on the behaviors you’re working to change and notice when you’re sliding into old patterns. And in lieu of magically tossing your problems away from you, they’ll remind you that you’re strong enough to solve them yourself and worthy of a life of freedom from your troubles.
It’s not your soulmate’s responsibility to delve into your soul and pick out problems one by one until none remain.
But if you stay with the right person, they’ll be able to convince you that you don’t need to live with your distress. They’ll cheer you on as you go back to school to begin a new career path, save up to buy your first house, and finally find closure with your ex. They’ll celebrate when you start therapy and uncover the truths they’ve seen all along — that you are worthy of love and stability and lasting friendships. And when your new ventures begin to feel impossibly overwhelming, your soulmate will remind you of all of the reasons why you deserve to keep moving forward in life because they’ll always see the best in you.
If you constantly dream of finding a soulmate who will whisk you away from your problems, you will never resolve the problems that loom over you. But a soulmate will help reinforce the incredible qualities that make you capable and deserving of making necessary changes in your life — your kind heart, your resilience, your intelligence, and your ambition — and stand by your side as you turn the page. Together, you’ll both walk into a new chapter of your life — a happier, lighter chapter — knowing that you’re wholeheartedly working towards the future you deserve.
Previously published on Thought Catalog.