After writing countless letters to my eating disorder, self-harm, anxiety, and sadness, I finally came to terms with the fact that I neglected to pay any attention to you…so I’m writing you this letter.
You’ve been there for the really great moments of my life, like spending time with my friends and family, getting accepted to professional dance school, and traveling the word. I took you in with open arms, and I let you lead my life in a positive direction. That is until my eating disorder took over. In 2014, I rejected you so much that I ended up in the hospital. In 2015, you were so far gone that I dropped to 88 pounds. In 2016, I ended up in a residential treatment center. Twice.
You haven’t been there for most of my teenage years and for some reason, I keep rejecting you. You come knocking on my door, and I can’t help but turn you down. I’m sorry, happiness, for kicking you out and letting you go and not allowing you back in. I want you to be a more present part of my life.
I’m working on letting you in.
I know that I deserve you, now, and I certainly miss you a lot. I went through my fair amount of pain. I survived the hardships, the depression, the struggles, the anxiety, and the pure fear. I survived ALL of that. By all means, I deserve you in my life after going through everything that I did. Screw my anxious thoughts, my nightmares, and my sadness. Everyone deserves happiness; don’t listen to the nasty voice in your head that tells you otherwise.
Feature Image via Ariel Raee.