The Harsh Reality Of What Dating Has Turned Into


This meme has made its way around social media for the past few days and it’s gotten quite the reaction from the public. Older generations have blamed technology for the changes of relationship status’, younger generations see relationships as being like a friendship, and only Gen-Y sees this for what it truly is; the truth.

The sad reality of romance nowadays is that there really are relationships without a proper title.

It’s as if people are afraid to be vulnerable, and open their hearts up to love, or the possibility of it. They fear being hurt in the long run, because in reality, you either end up with someone or you don’t. The girlfriend and boyfriend title has lost its meaning.

Since people choose not to put a title on whatever their kind of relationship is, they have this mentality that they were never officially dating someone, so they can’t call them anything in the future. But let’s be real, they were still dating.

I’ve had to explain this one to my mom and sister a few times after I ended a situation like this. He’s not an ex boyfriend because he wasn’t technically a boyfriend, although he is an ex. I still went on dates with this person, we were involved heavily in each others lives and acted like a couple, and we did have a wonderful connection. However, he didn’t want to call me his girlfriend, but regardless of what our title was, I was still left heartbroken.

I’ve had a few “relationships” like these, and I know I’m not alone. But when a guy comes along and tells you, “I’m not ready for a relationship yet, but I do want to date you and I will make things official eventually,” you believe them. Then things break off, and you swear you’ll never go through this experience again. Yet, you still do.

Women older than us always preach, “if he doesn’t want commitment from you, don’t be with him!” The problem is no one wants an official commitment from anyone these days. It’s extremely difficult to find someone who actually wants a relationship in our generation. Call us naïve, but this “we’re dating but not officially yet” is what we’re stuck with until he either wants to be official, or we go our separate ways.

No one can even call this a friends with benefits, because a FWB doesn’t take their partner on dates, or introduce them to the most important people in their lives. They are someone who you have sexual encounters with on a regular basis, but you clearly communicate a sexual friendship from the beginning. You’re a temporary fix, you’re well aware of this, and you don’t mind it.

Whatever “this” is, it’s not that.

The line that stuck out to me in this picture the most was: “You knew what this was… I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Actions speak louder than words. When someone goes out of their way to hang out with you at all possible seconds of the day (without your time together even being sexual), interacting with each others families and friends, planning date nights regularly, and has deep conversations with you to learn about who you were and who you’ve become… That sounds a lot like someone is interested in you in a more than “friends” way.

But then for them to throw that back at you when you bring up how you feel hurt about the situation… What a slap in the damn face. They know you’ve fallen for them and they’re using it to their advantage.

What this meme forgets to mention is how many people feel an extreme heartbreak and depression after this happens, especially after being reassured that one day you’ll have a shot at a committed relationship.

You have to come to the realization that none of this was your fault. You saw the good in him and you genuinely trusted and believed in him. You opened yourself up to an opportunity and he didn’t have the same goal as you did.

There is no reason to doubt yourself.

And after all is said and done, they hit you with the “I still want to be friends”. Majority of us are unable to maintain a regular friendship with the heartbreaker. That’s totally okay. I’m a firm believer in the saying “time heals all”, but not everyone agrees in this situation.

We need to collectively get ourselves out of this vicious cycle of the “almost relationship” and figure out what we want. We shouldn’t have to settle for something less than what we deserve.

It’s hard to know when to walk away from something you see as potentially good, we need to realize that we can’t keep thinking every guy is different from the rest. Staying single is way better than constantly checking your phone for a message that will never come, constantly wondering if he’s with another girl, and wondering if his feelings are the same for you, as yours are for him. Stay single until you find someone who is willing to fight for that title and change your perception on love. Because whatever dating is in 2016, this should not be it.

Featured image via Rachel Claire on Pexels


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