Men genuinely ask us women the most stupid questions when it comes to relationships. Usually, it’s after they notice something is off with us. What blows my mind is that they actually have no idea what could be on our mind and they’re surprised if we ever give them an answer that isn’t, “nothing, I’m fine”. Have they ever thought about the answers that are more truthful? We’ve all had these conversations with ourselves in our heads.
You ask me, “Why are you so quiet?”
I’m quiet because I’m busy thinking. My mind is constantly spinning around you and our situation. I don’t want to seem needy or non-trusting but it does break my heart when I check my phone to see if you’ve messaged me for the first time in days. I’m being considerate of you and am trying not to make excuses for you. I tell myself you must be busy to keep myself from overthinking every scenario.
You ask me, “Why are you confused?”
I’m confused because you won’t give me the answer I need and deserve to hear. One minute you make yourself clear about what you think you want and the next your actions are saying the complete opposite. What should I believe? Your actions or your words? I think we know which one speaks louder than the other.
You ask me, “Why are you insecure?”
I’m insecure only around you. You rarely compliment me on my appearance, yet you’re the person I see spamming my explore page with models and porn stars’ Instagram pictures because you like every single one you see. I’m not jealous of those girls, but when I see you like images like those, I don’t feel attractive enough in your eyes. I don’t want to think about you having other options of day to day girls who look like that and that are getting more attention than I am.
You ask me, “Why are you closed off?”
I’m closed off because I don’t know how I should treat you and what’s okay to say to you. I’m finding it hard to open up to you in fear that you won’t appreciate me for what I’m worth and use my emotions to play games with me. If you know how I feel you’ll use it to your advantage and I don’t want to give you any more control than you already have.
You ask, “Why are you so tense?”
I’m tense because I know things about you that you have no idea I know about. But because of where we are with our relationship I can’t necessarily say every little thing that bothers me. You’re only going to throw “you know we aren’t in a relationship so it shouldn’t bother you”. Newsflash: it still does. So I have to tread lightly with what I bring up to avoid getting even more upset than I already am. I have no problem being completely honest with you, but I will erupt like a volcano, and I know that’ll be something you can’t handle.
You ask me, “Why are you scared?”
I’m scared of you breaking my heart. Because I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable with you, give you my everything, knowing you might not give the same amount back. There’s so much I want to say to you and I know I can’t yet because it’s too soon. I have to pretend that I’m fine with this because I don’t want to lose you. I’m petrified to let you get closer to me, and not get that same respect and love in return.
But then you ask me, “Why are you acting crazy?”
Did you listen to anything I said? Of course, I’m acting crazy because you’re making me this way. But maybe I am crazy for not having high enough standards to see myself making it work with you. So I’ll let you think about all of this for a little bit and you can get back to me.
To the men out there, does any of this really surprise you? That’s what happens when you don’t know what you want with a woman. The mind games are literally enough to make us crazy. But don’t get surprised when we finally put our foot down and say “no” to you, or stop making you a priority. There’s only so much we can handle. I promise you that glimmer of hope we’ve always had will soon become a memory in the back our minds and we will move on to find better. Don’t be surprised by how we’re acting when this is how you treat us.