To The Guy Who Made Me Feel Like I Wasn’t Enough

To the person who made me feel like I wasn’t enough,

You truly had me. I was under your spell for years, fighting for my place in your life. I changed myself to suit what I thought might squeeze into the gap your heart was missing, hoping that one day I’d wake up and fit with you like your favorite pair of sneakers. But I wasn’t enough. And for that,

I thank you.

Thank you for putting me through a phase of my life where I had to fight for something that there was no promise of ever achieving. It was here that I learned about perseverance and never giving up on things of value to me. I learned that there may not always be a pot of gold waiting for me at the end of the rainbow, and I may be rejected more times than I win. But it was also where I learned the art of recovery. I learned how to spring back from hurtful goodbyes and demolished the ideas of how I saw my future, my future with you. It was here that I began paving my own path; the path that I needed, instead of chasing after an express lane to instant gratification.

Thank you for teaching me that altering who I am will never be the answer. Because you made me feel like I was not enough, I was able to be enough for myself. I was able to find what I wanted out of my life in the midst of a crumbling forever and always. I discovered that no matter how far you go to be somebody’s something, it’ll never compare to how amazing it feels to be your own anything. I can now be myself and stop questioning what others think of me. Simply not being enough for you, showed me how to be proud to be me. I survived without you, and that was something I didn’t think was possible a few years back.

Thank you for the heartbreak. Because without it, I may never know what being appreciated truly feels like. I may never have had to opportunity to be loved so wholly and genuinely. Without that heartbreak, I may never have grinned as large as I do now when told I’m beautiful. The pain of a broken heart showed me the flip side of the scenario, and without it, I may never have accepted others quite as unconditionally. While the mornings I struggled to get out of bed were anything but enjoyable, they showed me that I was strong enough to pull myself up, and to then approach the world with an open mind, ready to ensure nobody feels the way that I once did.

Thank you for doubting me, because you have given me every opportunity to prove you wrong. I am confident that you will miss me, and I’m not sorry for that. I hope you learn these lessons yourself one day, because it was the way you knocked me down that allowed me to stand stronger than I ever have before.

Featured image via Kelly Smith.

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