Why You Can’t Let Yourself Go After A Breakup

We all go through life thinking we’re doing well for ourselves, even if we’re alone. We pretend we can handle anything life throws our way, because we’ve been handling everything just fine up to this point anyways. But what about when you find that person. I’m talking about the person who makes you want to tear down those walls you’ve spent years building. The person who makes you a completely different, yet better, version of yourself. The person that you’re willing to get to know and share parts of yourself, with. Most times, we’re not willing to tear down the walls we’ve spent years building, or open ourselves up long enough for someone to get to know the real us; that resistance almost always comes from your last heartbreak.

But after the heartbreak comes the realization that you’re just not meant to be, whether they cheated on you or the timing just isn’t right. You now have to find a way to get back to your old self again. Get into a regular single routine. You don’t have that person to share your day with anymore; you don’t have that person to kiss goodnight and you don’t have your best friend anymore. So what now? Your heart is aching and you feel this heavy pit in your stomach, because now you truly have to imagine life without them. It’s raw, bitter, ugly and completely heart wrenching. But it’s something you endure, overcome and grow from.

No matter how things ended, whether bitter or sweet or both, you can’t let yourself go. And I don’t mean in the binge-eating-ice-cream while watching The Notebook, kind of way. I mean, don’t get lost in all the sadness and heartache that you start to drift from the kind of person you are and the morals you have worked so hard to maintain. I mean not to make temporary, reckless decisions that’ll leave permanent scars.

When you end relations with someone, and things just seem so sour and you’re so resentful that you could really care less about the next move you make in life, because well, f*uck them, that’s the mentality you have to avoid and steer away from. Be ready to take on new adventures with new people, and ready to share yourself with them, even the ugly parts. You may have had your heart broken, but it’s no excuse to be reckless in your decision making.

You need to see things from the perspective of “this too shall pass”, and when it does, you need to be ready for the next person in your life. You have to pick yourself back up, quit wallowing in your own self-pity and show the world you’re capable of more. More fights, more love, more passion, more adventures and more challenges.

It’s easy to get caught up in the saddening emotion of losing someone, especially if things ended abruptly, but when you least expect it, that one person walks into your life and changes the game. They catch your eye, and your attention, and your mind and you’re captivated by everything they have to say because for once, you’re meeting a genuinely good, kind and sincere person. You have to be ready for them, in every aspect. You have to be ready to share yourself with them, because they’re the game changer. They’re the one you would never believe existed, until that very moment. And that’s something you’ll regret passing up.

You’ll find yourself ready to move on, to go on a date and dip your toes in the water, but what if the past you have is so sticky and overly complicated? Because after that break up, you decided to make decisions that only suited you, and you had no regard for anyone else’s feelings. Those choices you made, now affect your future relationships, because like it or not, you have to be willing to share the hideous parts of your past, along with the beautiful. But instead, because of your bitter break up, your consideration for others was blocked by your intense fury, mixed with a little misery, so you went ahead and made those bad decisions, that you’ll later have to face.

But the truth always comes out.

We like to hide the parts of our life that were shameful and a bit out of character, because allowing someone to know that we’re capable of mistakes would mean to be utterly vulnerable. But if you’re not willing to put yourself in that position, one way or another, the truth has a way of clawing it’s way back into your life, with purpose. It will swallow you whole if you’re not ready to own up to those past mistakes. You have to be able to face the consequences of the decisions you deemed suitable, for you, at that point in your life.

So, when you go through that unbearable heartache and feel like you couldn’t care less about the decisions you make from here on out, remember that your past is something that becomes a part of who you are. You have to live with those choices every day, and wake up knowing that you could’ve been less selfish and spiteful. You could’ve rose above, and instead of dwelling, you could’ve been working on you. Physically and mentally. For that next guy to come and sweep you off your feet.

Everyone’s past is messy and complex, but keep in mind that you’re the deciding factor of just how messy and complex it has to be. If you don’t want to have to look back and wish you did things differently, then think ahead. Plan ahead. Be smart and show some consideration for someone other than yourself. Better yourself for the next person to come, because when they do, you’ll be ready and brand new, and ready to start over, with a clean conscious and nothing but love to give.

Featured image via Elijah O’Donnell on Pexels


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