How Your Self Talk Is Getting In The Way Of Your Happiness

The Sunday Scaries.

This is what happens late afternoon, maybe early evening – on a Sunday – when you begin to feel slightly unsettled. Maybe even a little anxious. It’s when you know what’s around the corner, Monday morning. You actually have to wear your underwear under your dress tomorrow and you have to pretend to be an adult who doesn’t drink Mimosas for breakfast and a Cocktail for lunch. Not to mention dealing with Betty the Bore who sits beside you in the office and always asks if you have a piece of gum. Like maybe you should stop eating onion bagels at your desk every morning, BETTY.

The Holiday Horrors.

This is what happens on the last day of your vacation. The end of the holiday looms over your head and you realize the relaxing week, 2 weeks, month or even just a few days is coming to an end. What comes next is horrifying…WORK. No more eating popcorn and wine on the couch watching endless episodes of Friends. No more lazing on the beach in next to nothing, watching the sea, daydreaming about Carlos riding you like he is riding that wave.

These are very real emotions and part of what is known as our “Self Talk.”

The average person thinks up about 450 words per minute. The average person can speak about 150 words per minute. This leaves us with 300 words unspoken per minute and 300 thoughts we keep to ourselves.

You go to a job interview. You walk in and think “wow, this building is nice”, “well this girl looks like a bitch”, “I’m not impressing them at all, I might as well just leave”, “I’m not good enough”.

You meet the parents of your significant other. “Can I be funny?” “Maybe I could try it…” “Are they going to like you? Hopefully.” “His mom definitely doesn’t like me”, “Ugh, I shouldn’t have said that” “Wow, his Dad’s a hard ass.”

The sole purpose of this self talk is to judge and to evaluate. We judge ourselves, we judge others, we evaluate our decisions, our surroundings, and others’ opinions. We use those 300 words per minute to evaluate everyone around us, including ourselves and our own quality of life.

But what I need to ask is this. Is most of this self talk positive or negative?

Are we creating too many themes of doubt? Too many negative thoughts? Too many Sunday Scaries and Holiday Horrors?

Common themes among the average person’s self talk include:

  • Can’t
  • Shouldn’t
  • Never/Always/Nobody
  • Not my fault
  • What if

Think about how many times you’ve said these words to yourself over the past few months. All of them probably come to mind, whether they be as complaints, excuses, or beliefs. Yet how many times have you said:

  • I can’t wait
  • I can do this
  • I believe in myself
  • I look absolutely amazing today
  • I can fix this no problem
  • How can I change this positively

Some of us will have these healthy thoughts come up in our self talk as well, but I challenge you to ask which set of words outweigh the others.

The Sunday Scaries and the Holiday Horrors are our self-talk telling us we aren’t ready for the next day, we never want to go to work, we can’t handle Betty the Bore and we shouldn’t have to leave this beach.

What we need to find is a way to take this self-talk in a positive direction.

Let’s find a way to work in a healthy dose of positive self-talk, exercising it daily and weekly like you would exercise your own body. Just like eating healthy and working out gets easier over time, so does positive self-thinking. Choose the nutrient rich berry smoothie of self-talk next time, instead of the half a bottle of Cîroc that makes you fall on your face at 2 AM and gives you that nasty next morning of repercussions.

Sure, indulgence in some negative thinking (like indulgence in a crazy night out) is needed to let loose and just not give a f*ck sometimes. But remind yourself that it won’t make you feel better later, it will only may you feel worse. A self-talk hangover might not be as physically painful, but it’s messing with your head just as much.

Kill some negativity. Make that Sunday Scary a Sunday Spark. Make that Holiday Horror a Holiday Happy.

Your Self-Talk isn’t an alcoholic, it’s a fit bitch who’s ready to take on the good life it’s got.

Featured image via Elliot Dunning.

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