There are certain things we all need to know about our partners before committing, and I know what you’re thinking. You’re expecting a detailed, deal-breaker list of things you and your spouse to be need to discuss before tying the knot. Things like, do you want children and when you’ll have them, where you’d like to live, if you can buy a house right away, where your partner sees their career going, and what role they see you playing in their lives. But that’s not what I think needs to be discussed. The truth is, most people know that they need to figure out those things first and if they don’t, there’s a million other lists, articles, and books they can read that will tell them so.
I think what we really need to be focusing more energy on is getting to know your partner on a deeper level. Knowing things about them that they’d never think to tell you themselves. The little details that make up who they are and what they’re passionate about. There are 7 important things you need to find out about your significant other that you probably never considered crucially important for marriage.
1. What’s their favorite color?
I know, it seems ridiculous, but you should find out. In the world of social media and overall fast paced life, we forget to even consider the little things. You just assume that between your “hanging out” and following them online, you know all you need to know. You figure you’ve had the big talks and you guys are totally perfect for each other. This might even be true, but sometimes it’s nice to sit down with some ice cream and ask about the little details that too often get forgotten.
2. Where do they want to take their first trip with you?
Seriously, so important. Particularly if you enjoy traveling or have travel destination goals, you’re going to want to know what about the world is fascinating them. Do they want to go sightseeing and visit historic places? Do they like to relax on the beach? Do they dream of hiking up mountains? The fact is money is not endless for the vast majority of us, so taking a trip is a big deal and we only get so many in our lives. It’s an amazing dream to see the whole world, but you have to start small and compromise places that overlap on your bucket lists. Being on the same page about travel is a special bond you can share that makes things way easier in the long run.
3. What’s the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them?
Take my word for this: there is no greater way to get to know a person and make connections with them than learning about their childhood. Hearing stories about your partner’s experience while growing up is a really fun, open way to learn more about each other. It’s not easy to talk about the past for a lot of people, but by sharing those parts of ourselves with one another, we can form lasting bonds.
4. Are they a cat or dog person?
Alright, so I said this wasn’t about deal breaker questions, but I know more than a few people who would probably consider this one a deal breaker. If you adore animals and they’re allergic, this either is going to require a big compromise or it’s not going to work. Plus, whether you prefer cats or dogs can say a lot about your personality (i.e. the idea that dogs are super energetic and would indicate a more active lifestyle).
5. How long have they known their best friend?
This will reveal a lot more than you realize. Knowing how long they’ve been friends with their best friend tells you so much about their commitments and loyalties. Friendships require a lot of maintenance and go through issues just like a relationship. It also would lead to more info about their best friend who will more than likely be part of your life if you choose to stay together for the long haul.
6. What’s their favorite TV show?
I cannot stress this enough. It is so hard to sit through shows you hate and if you don’t find out what they’re into, you could very well end up doing a lot of it. Should this spell disaster if your interests don’t match? Of course not. Odds are you won’t be into the same stuff but learning what they like and talking to them about your favorites can at least open doors to try and find common ground. Or at the very least, you’ll work out a schedule or something.
7. What is their honest opinion of their mom?
This is pretty important. How a guy treats, thinks of, and feels about his mother is a pretty good indication of how he is with women in general. Up until the day he marries you, his mom should be the most important woman in his life and he should have the utmost respect for her. There are obviously exceptions because family is tough and it’s not always the picture-perfect life we wish it could be, I get it. But if his mom is super sweet and does her best for him, he shouldn’t be calling her names behind her back. A man’s relationship with his mom sets the tone for his relationships with women, period.
As we all know, love is the most important thing. But for a marriage to thrive, there needs to be more. There needs to be mutual respect, courage, kindness, patience, loyalty, forgiveness, friendship, and a constant desire to be the best you can be for each other. The best way to foster this sort of relationship is to ensure you really, really know the person in every way before taking the plunge.