Whether you’re at a family gathering or simply have incredibly inquisitive friends, single people always seem to get asked the same question; why are you still single? It’s beyond frustrating to have to repeatedly explain your relationship status to prying people. Honestly, you shouldn’t have to explain to someone why you do or do not have a significant other dangling from your arm 24/7. It’s no one’s business why you are single. Here are some badass responses to provide those curious questioners with as to why you are single that will leave them speechless.
I was born this way. We were born single, so maybe we should stay single. This could be a very convincing argument.
I haven’t found someone who is okay with my committed relationship with pizza. Society needs to recognize that you can be in a devoted relationship with a type of food. It’s a real thing.
Does the affair I’m having with your significant other count? The nice thing to do would be to explain this is a joke. Use your discretion.
I’m saving myself for Ryan Gosling. Who would tell you that this is crazy? You and Ryan Gosling will totally end up together…one day…maybe…fingers crossed.
I have higher standards than you. Burn. Burn. Burn. This is what you say to someone you really don’t like and don’t care if you talk to ever again.
Does the inmate I write letters to count as a significant other? No one said relationships were cut and dry. Everyone defines them differently.
Because my sense of humor tends to offend literally everyone. Give the person asking your best poker face so they know this is not a joke.
I wasn’t until I discovered Tumblr. It’s time people start realizing that Tumblr is a way of life. Nothing else is important once you discover Tumblr.
WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK HIM/HER?! When you say this, angrily point to someone else in the room and then walk away. You’ll leave both the person who asked confused and the person you pointed to shaken up. Bonus points if you point to the asking person’s significant other.
No one can stand how much I like Nickelback. By admitting that you like Nickelback, the asker will probably be too disgusted to ask you any more questions. Or even worse, preach your love from the mountaintops for Iggy Azalea.
I’m trying to procreate by myself. One day it will be scientifically possible and you know that it’s all going to be thanks to you and your dedication.
Soap Operas have made me scared of relationships. How many failed relationships were there on Days of Our Lives? Yes, too many to count.
What do you mean? My lover is right here. Look beside you and put your arm around the cloud of air. Turn back to the person who asked, smile, and say “Why, can’t you see them?”
*Just start crying* This not only works to get out of answering the questions, but you might put the person who asked on a successful guilt trip.
Only until I get accepted on The Bachelor. Pop culture references always make for the best witty responses.
Your mom turned me down. Another successful burn response. Who’s going to keep talking to you when you just admitted to trying to date their mom?
I’m in a relationship with myself because I hate other people. Hey, other people can be really annoying. Who wouldn’t want to marry themselves if that was an option?
My boyfriend is in jail for beating-up the last person who asked me that. Smile innocently until the other person absorbs your words. Then watch the fear overcome them.
Because Chipotle delivers. When the most important thing in life can now be delivered straight to your bed, why would you need anything else?
*Do a Jenna Marbles Face* Remember, the key is to hold the face until the person goes away. No laughing or smiling. If done right, this response is full proof.
I am currently single, however I am taking applications for my next lover. Care to submit yours? It would take a special person not to see the sarcasm in this response. A very special person.
Because Channing Tatum is married. You and Channing (yeah, you’re on a first name basis) are meant to be together. Nothing will be right in the world until that happens.
I have a cat. If they ask anymore questions keep talking about your cat. Time how quickly this conversation ends.
Obviously, these responses are meant to be sarcastic and catch people off guard. No one has the right to pry into your love life and question why you are single. I dare you to use one of these responses the next time you get confronted with a Nosy Nancy and see just how they take it.
Featured Image via screenshot from YouTube.