No matter how charming we appear on first dates, we’ve all texted him a little too soon and never heard back. Not hearing back from guys can feel disappointing and painful, but it’s also an opportunity for us to laugh at everything he could be doing instead of texting us back.
Here are 20 thoughts we’ve all had after a guy ghosts us.
1. Dude, did a bus take you out?
2. Were you so preoccupied by me that you forgot you were crossing a very busy road in the middle of rush fucking hour and you didn’t see that big-ass bus coming?
3. Are you fighting for your life right now?
4. Are you dead?
5. Did some horrible person rob you, but only take your phone and human decency? Did you fight for that stupid phone and get shot?
6. Are you in jail?
7. Did you murder someone? Did the cops catch you red-handed dealing drugs?
8. Are you in the middle of a family crisis? Are you caught up in a terrible feud that forces you to spend every bit of your time trying to fix your broken home?
9. Did someone frame you for a crime you didn’t commit? Are you busy preparing for your trial? Are you trying to prove your innocence?
10. Are you currently drowning in tons and tons of paperwork so you literally have no time to check in?
11. Is your boss being an ass?
12. Did you get a no-phone-at-work memorandum?
13. Were you fired? Are you now curled up eating ice cream and crying as you search for work?
14. Did you get kicked out of your place?
15. Have you been homeless and unable to access your phone?
16. Did you pawn your phone just so you’ll have something to eat for the day?
17. Are you battling a life-threatening disease? Fighting for your life? Are you on life support? Is your family waiting a few hours before they can officially pull the plug on you?
18. Are you having too many feelings? Are you wallowing so much that you just can’t bother with people?
19. Or are you just an asshole?
20. Honestly, I hope you’re just an asshole.
Yup, that guy who just disappeared into thin air after your amazing first date is probably just a huge asshole. But cheer up, ladies! Every every guy who ghosts you eliminates one more jerky fish from the sea. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Thank you, next!