I Think I’m Cursed To Have Secret Feelings For Someone I Can Never Have

I don’t know how it started, and I don’t know how it’ll end. Somewhere along the line, though, I fell in love with you, babe. Maybe it was that smile or those hypnotizing eyes. Or perhaps it was your beautiful brain or the way you say my name.

I don’t think you even see it, and I doubt you ever will. You probably only see me as a friend. Yet, I desperately crave to your body to fall into my arms.

Your laughter rings forever right inside my ears as your sadness makes me cry. I wish that I could be the one to always make you smile. I want to carry the burden of your pain. Although I know it isn’t true, I wonder if somehow you’d ever feel the same.

Sometimes when I’m lonely, I imagine what we would be like. Would we be the cheesy, romantic type or the ones who always laugh and keep it light? I mostly picture laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I picture us being the couple who talks all through the night until the sun rises through the curtains.

The worst part about it all is that it’s just a forbidden love. It’s a fruit of temptation that looks so sweet but I can never taste. Even if I could commit, our relationship would be complicated at best. Uttering those words literally breaks my heart into pieces.

I haven’t figured out how to let go, though my best friend insists that I should. I know that I’m playing with fire now, and eventually I will get burned… but the fantasy of something more is just one part of what keeps me alive when I want the world to stop.

Every time you say you love me, my heart literally skips a beat. Each time you tell me I’m amazing and beautiful, I grow weak in the knees. Just once I want you to figure out what is in my heart, that I’m flirting and jonesing for you, but then again, what would happen if you knew?

So, maybe this is the only way to truly get my feelings out. By writing this, hoping you’ll never read it, and letting go of what’s been in my heart and on my mind for really quite some time.

I think, in the end, I’m just forever cursed to have these messy, complicated, secret feelings for someone I can never have. It’s like some sort of illness or disease that I’ve been tainted with for as long as I can ever remember, even back to the 4th grade.

I don’t know exactly what started it, but I know how it will end. Time will pass, our conversations will slowly fade, but somewhere in my heart, a place for you will always, always remain.

Feature Image by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash


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