You’re inseparable, and you do everything together. You and your best friend know each other’s darkest secrets and wildest dreams. The time you spend together nurtures your soul and lifts you up.
Except for when it doesn’t.
Maybe you started noticing changes in your best friend’s actions. Perhaps they’ve been gradual, barely noticeable. Or maybe, your friendship has actually always been this way, but you didn’t want to see it. If you feel like there’s been something terribly different in your relationship with your best friend lately, be on the lookout for these 10 signs that your best friend may now be a toxic frenemy.
1. They don’t make you or your friendship a priority.
A lack of communication can show that your bestie disregards your friendship. They don’t text or call, and they no longer share their important life events (or ask about yours). They also no longer make an effort to spend quality time with you doing activities that you both enjoy.
2. They don’t have any sense of loyalty towards you.
Obnoxiously flirting with your crushes, texting your enemies behind your back, and lying to you are huge indicators that your “best friend” is not loyal to you and does not care about your feelings.
3. They don’t care about what is best for you.
Your best friend knows your weaknesses, behavioral patterns, and personality tendencies. If they encourage you to make poor choices for their own sake, they do not have your best interests in mind.
4. They’re only friendly when it’s convenient for them.
If your best friend only reaches out to you when they’re fighting with their significant other, are on the outs with other friends, or are bored or lonely, you are only a friend of convenience.
5. They don’t make an effort to be present when you’re hanging out together.
One surefire way to determine your importance in your bestie’s eyesis to pay attention to how much time they spend on their phone when you’re together. If they’re constantly texting someone else or are mindlessly browsing social media, they aren’t enthused about spending time with you.
6. They insist upon you meeting their expectations, but don’t try to meet yours.
You and your best friend have previously established boundaries and expectations for one another, and whenever you slip up, your best friend immediately goes into attack mode. But they still consistently cross, ignore, or fall painfully short of your own expectations. This is a sign that your “friend” doesn’t respect you or see you as an equal.
7. They have no problem trying to gaslight and manipulate you when you voice concern.
Even if you worryingly approach your best friend about the negative changes in their behavior and how it is affecting you, they try to turn it around on you. They convince you that you’re the problem or that you won’t accept them for who they are. This is not OK, and you should not allow it to continue.
8. They make excuses instead of apologizing.
They blow off your plans for something else, but instead of apologizing, they claim they forgot/didn’t want to go anyway/know they’ll see you soon. Or they change plans without considering you and say it’s because they figured you’d be fine with it, even though the change in plans was for their benefit alone.
9. They aren’t there for you when you’re at your lowest, even if you were there for them.
You’ve previously dropped everything to comfort your broken-hearted best friend more than once. But whenever you’re in a bad headspace or experiencing tragedy, your best friend only gives you half-assed, insincere “I’m sorry’s” and doesn’t lift a finger to help you. It probably feels like they don’t care, and sadly, that’s probably true.
10. They don’t defend you when they should.
Did someone grab your ass at the bar? Did your ex humiliate you in public? Did your siblings attack your appearance? If your best friend sits quietly and doesn’t come to your defense even when you’ve defended them countless times, you can bet that you aren’t as important to them as they are to you.
Screw the notion of keeping your enemies close, especially when that frenemy is supposed to be your dearest friend. If your bestie shows that they are toxic, get the heck away from their negativity pronto. Having no best friend is better than having one who doesn’t really give a sh*t about you.