This is to the ones who took me for granted, the ones who I loved too much for too long.
This is for the ones who always made feel like being nice is a weakness rather than a strength. I am changing my ways. I don’t expect you to take my word for it because I said it too many times before. I can only do what I should have done a long time ago. I am only going to unstrip you of all the love, care, and attention I gave you. I am done being the nice one. I am done being the one who cares and worries all the time. I am done getting my heart broken repeatedly by the same person.
I’m not going to keep in touch with you anymore.
I’m not going to send you good morning or good-night texts. I’m not going to text you during the day to check on you. I’m not going to text you to hangout, I’m basically not going to initiate texting you at all. And, when you text me, I’m not going to reply right away, I’ll reply when I feel like it. Or, maybe, I won’t reply at all.
I’m not going to have conversations with you anymore.
I’m not going to be vulnerable with you about my thoughts and feelings or open-up to you about what’s going on with me. I’m not going to let you into my life; I’m going to push you away. I’m not going to ask you what’s wrong when you are upset, I’m going to carry on with my day. I’m not going to voice out my opinion when I disagree with you or when I think you are making a mistake. I’m not going to call you out when you don’t catch-up with your friends or check on your parents.
I’m not going to support you anymore.
I’m not going to stand-up for you, even when no one else is. I’m not going to have your back when you are reckless or careless. I’m not going to make excuses for you when you are mad, mean, or grumpy. Or to take care of you when you are sick. I’m not going to help you get things done, I’m going to let you do it alone instead. I’m not going to encourage you or give you nice compliments. Basically, I’m not going to believe in you anymore. I’m not going to put you on cloud nine, but I’m not going to take you down either.
See, I’m not going to care about you when you make me feel like I don’t matter to you.
I’m not going to invest in us when you barely make time for us. I’m not going to give you my heart when you don’t give me yours. I’m not going to commit to you when you are only committed to yourself. The truth is, I’m not going to be the one who does everything. I’m looking for my equal: a partner, a teammate, a best friend.
The truth is, I’m only looking for my reflection in someone else. Someone who will give me all that I have been giving you and other people, but never received in return. I’m looking for someone who treats me right, someone who will not take me for granted, someone who will always love me back.See, I’m looking for the person who will give me all the things you never did.
Featured image by Hanna Morris from Unsplash.