12 Hilarious Shakespeare Insults That Are Way Better Than Swearing

Shakespeare is a big part of everyone’s youth and education. Some of us even decide to continue studying it throughout post-secondary, as well. Shakespeare is sometimes confusing to understand; but let me tell you, the insults from these plays are the best. Not only will you have some people seriously confused, but you also will feel relieved after letting these ones escape your mouth!

The next time you meet someone who really deserves some brutal honesty, try an insult from this list!

  1. “Away, you three-inch fool!” (The Taming Of The Shrew 3.3).

We all know how protective men are about, well, their sizes. This one has got to hurt some men’s feels!

  1. “Villain, I have done thy mother” (Titus Andronicus 4.2).

Want to know who started the “your mom” jokes? Clearly, Shakespeare did. The only difference is that, he was proper and used “mother.”

  1. “Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous” (As You Like It).

This one is pretty self-explanatory, so enjoy hurting someone’s feelings with this one!

  1. “Peace, ye fat guts!”  (Henry IV Part 1. 2.2).

Hey, instead of calling someone a fatass, just say it like this! Plus, there is something about the use of the word “peace” that makes this even better.

  1. “Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon” (Timon of Athens 4.3).

Basically, this is saying that someone is so dirty that no one can even spit on them. Like, sorry, you are too dirty for my dirty spit. Ouch.

  1. “The rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril” (The Merry Wives of Windsor 3.5).

For when telling someone that they smell just isn’t harsh enough.

  1. “Thine face is not worth sunburning” – (Henry V 5.2).

A good modern translation for this is, “You’re so ugly that it’s not even worth the sun rising to burn your face.” This is for a really nasty person.

  1. “Thou art unfit for any place but hell” (Richard III 1.2).

Ever meet a real prick? Tell them this. You’re saying that they don’t belong anywhere except Hell.

  1. “Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows” (Troilus and Cressida 2.1).

This one is also self-explanatory: you’re dumb!

  1. “I am sick when I do look on thee” (A Midsummer Night’s Dream (2.1).

This has a bit more bite to it than saying “You’re so ugly that you make me sick,” don’t you think? It’s so subtle that it will take the other person a second to realize what you are saying. Love it!

  1. “You bull’s pizzle” (Henry IV Part One. 2.4).

Pizzle means penis. This refers to something scrawny and small. Need I say more? Probably not.

  1. “Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition” (King Lear 2.2).

Here is your grand finale insult for that one person to whom you have been waiting to say something this deserving! This means you are vain, petty, and officious, and the end of this insult nicely touches on the fact that if the person denies what you are saying, you will beat them up.

Now that I have shared some of the best insult lines with you, it is time to create your own! Use this chart provided below to create your Shakespearean insults. Share in the comments which insults you came up with!  

Feature image via Flickr

Originally published via Hubpages.


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