For The Moments When You Don’t Know What To Do Anymore

I wrote this mess of words one night in college. It started because I had just gotten amazing news about something, (I couldn’t tell you what it was now) but all I wanted to do was tell you but I knew I couldn’t. So instead I typed all of this out. I figured I would end up having a sentence or two that I would never do anything with but once I had poured it all out, I realized I had a whole poem.

Your Potential 

What am I supposed to do when

the first name my fingers type is yours

but you are too far for me to reach –  

 

when

I close my eyes and see you by my side again

only to wake up the next day and realize

none of it was real –  

a dream.

And you are still long gone.

 

What am I supposed to do when

I need you to be here;

to come back and touch me just one more time

but there are thousands of miles between us..

 

What am I supposed to do when

I realize it was my fault –  

When I realize that you didn’t leave

but I pushed you away

and now you are too far to get back.

 

What am I supposed to do when

I go to parties to distract myself –  

When another boy comes up and asks me to dance.

And all I can think is that he isn’t you.

No matter what he does –

he will never

be you.

 

What am I supposed to do when

it’s been two goddamn years

and I still crave you.

To see your smile.

To sit next to you again

or walk to class with you again.

 

What am I supposed to do when

no matter what I do you are always there –

Always pointing out how terribly

I handled

everything

and how I’m just stuck here

waiting to fix it all

with no clear path how to do that.

 

What am I supposed to do when

you come back –  

After years without so much as a breath

and you come back.

Am I supposed to fall back in your arms?

 

What am I supposed to do when

the potential of you coming back

and telling me you love me

and that it’s all going to be ok

Ruins me?

 

I don’t know what I’m suppose to do

anymore.

Featured Image via nakdfashion

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