You have dated my brother for almost 10 years and you know nothing about me, but I know all about you. I have dated people just like you; you come in many different appearances, shapes, sizes, and backgrounds, but you are all more similar than you think.
You feed upon the insecurities of others. You make cutting sarcastic remarks to belittle others because you will never know the joy of elevating others or respecting them the way they deserve to be respected. You are condescending in tone, manner, and attitude because you want so desperately to believe you are the powerful one in every interaction.
You are physically aggressive, emotionally depraved, sadistic, destructive, and poisonous.
It did not take long for my family and I to start to notice how controlling you are, how you turned everything my brother had issues with back onto him, and how you never admitted you were wrong. I noticed how you discounted all of his opinions and how you kept him separate from his friends and family. Your social life revolved solely around your friends and family. You can not sit there and try to challenge what we have witnessed, this has been almost 10 years of observing you as a person and how you are with him. As his little sister I can confidently say that as long as he has been with you, I have seen the light and life diminish from his eyes. Before you, my brother was never one to have a drinking problem. The person he is now is someone I do not recognize. I know it takes two to tango and you have both made mistakes and are both at fault for everything that has transpired between you two. But this is not about where things went wrong with your relationship. In case you were wondering, it was the day you two met.
This letter is me getting everything I have ever wanted to say to you off of my chest. I have always found you to be completely insufferable. You are demanding and exceptionally rude. You have said unforgivable things about my brother and I can only assume you have said the same, if not worse, about my family. Who does that to someone they claim they “love”? Do you even know what love is? I have watched you put my brother down for the last 9+ years, and that basically set you up to forever be on my shit list.
There are things about my brother you obviously either did not understand or were too self-centered to care about. My brother is brilliant, handsome, and is a total catch. The thing is, he does not see it this way and that is all thanks to you. He does not have the kind of self-confidence that he should. Seeing my brother, on multiple occasions, after you have had your way with him, constantly tore me up inside. I wish he could see himself that way I see him. He is so incredibly smart and he is one of the few guys out there who is actually going to be a wonderful husband and father. Luckily, you will never be the one who gets to experience that because frankly, you do not deserve him. The callous way you went about “going on a break” – aka ending your relationship with my brother – was just another ridiculous display of your lack of common decency. As much as it pisses me off what you did to him, I am grateful you decided to shatter his heart into a million pieces like the cruel heartless bitch that you are. I am happy you ended things because he would have been exchanging the rest of his life for someone who was never really worth it, to begin with. You are so far from being worth that kind of commitment. He may not see how incredible he is just yet, or how lucky he is to be free from you, but one day he will. He is going to meet a fabulous, brilliant, funny, kind girl who is going to make him so beyond happy he will forget why he was ever with you, to begin with. You, on the other hand, are probably going to have a mediocre life because karma will always get its way.
Here is some breaking news for you: you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. The only reason you can feel good about yourself is if you get someone to fall victim to your manipulative ways. You derive your sense of superiority from another’s subjugation. Your power is dependent upon someone else’s psychological investment in your false image, not your true self. Do you even know who you really are?
How exhausting it must be to try to play puppeteer to someone whose strings you have entirely fabricated; you will never have the pleasure of receiving love and affection from a pure source of willingness, but rather from a place of fear, a place of trauma, of enslavement, of necessity. Your audience does not count, as no one besides your victim knows the real you. Even if they have caught glimpses of who you are, they do not love who you really are. How difficult it must be to realize that you will never be truly loved and that you will never truly love another person.
It is just not possible for someone like you.
You so desperately want to believe that within every relationship, you are a “catch,” more intelligent, more attractive, more desirable, and more accomplished than the person whose energy you drain every day like the emotional vampire you are.
The truth is, you are none of these things. Every person you target is inherently morally, spiritually, and intellectually superior to YOU. That is because victims of abuse do not have to abuse others to gain a sense of self-worth or importance. They derive fulfillment not from harming others, but from helping others. They feel joy in showing compassion, respect, and empathy for others. They give love without hate. They know that we are all interconnected and that hurting another hurts themselves. They have genuine, authentic accomplishments and success that they do not need to defend or boast about in order to feel good about. They have a conscience that you can only imitate.
You, on the other hand, live in a world of brokenness, of false pride and fragile egotism. You realize you are truly alone, on the inside, regardless of how much power and pull you think you have over others. Surrounded by people who know nothing about your true intentions or your malice, you start to recognize that they do not truly care about you at all.
One day, your false image will shatter and the world will see you for who you truly are, and not who you pretend to be. One day, my brother and whoever falls victim to you next will walk out the door for good. One day, you will look at yourself and realize that had you spent more time being a decent person and learn to love, rather than fighting and hurting with everything and everyone, you would be one with this world and not a destructive force within it.
– The family you’ll never be a part of