It was quite nauseating to imagine binding myself to another person. My past relationship had left me so exhausted and drained. It had become a habit of going to bed with no one beside me – waking up the very same. I didn’t mind the idea of eating at the table alone (figuratively and literally). As far as I was concerned it was easier to just be by myself.
There’s a quote that says, “My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” And I guess that was just it… no one was better than my solitude.
I didn’t care for boys because they would’ve just wasted my time. I didn’t need a man in my life because it was so much easier without one. Had I become a recluse? Maybe. Bitter? Probably. I was so enveloped in my daily routine and success that I genuinely was disinterested and turned off from forming any sort of relationship with the opposite sex.
Then out of nowhere, he showed up. I wasn’t looking and I didn’t want anything like this, but here he is – and I’m so damn thankful that he showed. Have you ever met someone and just instantly… clicked? Cliché, I know. But everything sappy, Pinterest quote-y, and cliché suddenly relates to your life and you’re completely engulfed with how head over heels, crazy you are about this one person.
You two just mesh, and you can swear that there is no possible way that you have only known each other for a short period of time. It’s just too damn easy. Never had I met someone who makes everyone else in the room just disappear. The chaos falls silent and it’s suddenly just the two of you and the background noise blurs. He makes you laugh so deeply and sincerely that your sides and cheeks physically hurt.
Everything you had believed previously about the contingencies of a relationship and love; it all fades. All at once it hits you. You’d do absolutely anything to see this person happy; to see them look at you with that adoration glimmering in their eyes. Everything they do makes you smile immensely and all too frequently your cheeks burn like the fire in your heart.
All at once, it makes sense – why no other relationship has worked out before. All your pain, heartbreak, and confusion – it has led you to him. You’re meant to be here.
Everything is as it should be.
God, you flipped my entire reality upside down. Actually… you shook it, spun it, and contorted it so it was barely recognizable.
Am I scared? No. I’m absolutely terrified. To offer such a large portion of your heart and confidence into the hands of someone who has the potential to completely obliterate it is to truly give yourself to another person.
But with the risk, comes the most beautiful potential I’ve ever seen the light of. No one prepared me for the difference of falling in love with a man like you.
I wish I could explain the fine details in your eyes, or how your voice alone gives me butterflies. Or how your smile makes my heart skip a beat, every time I am with you, I feel totally and completely at home. Maybe because you are home to me.
I don’t think I could ever meet anyone that could ever compare to you.
I’m so indecisive at picking just about everything this world has to offer, as you know it’s hard for me just to pick what we are going to eat… but I am so positive in choosing you. I know you are my future, I know you are my forever person. And I know I will never regret letting you mess my little world up because having you in it has been pretty amazing so far… and we’re just getting started.
“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” – Barbara de Angelis
Featured Image via Author.