10 Telltale Signs You’re Turning Into Your Mother

Moms are cool. They always take your side when you’re venting about your boyfriend and they generally prepare your favorite dish better than anyone else. Plus they always smell like flowers and who doesn’t appreciate the fresh scent of gardenias? I guess I always knew that one day in the very, very, extremely distant future I’d naturally develop more of my mother’s mature qualities because I truly do think she’s the bomb. I just never thought that I’d realize just how much she was right about this early in my 20s. Alas, this is the curse of life. Here are a few telltale signs that you’re turning into your mother and there’s no going back:

  1. You watch the Lifetime Network like it’s your job

It’s wholesome. The storylines make you cry and usually you feel like you’ve learnt something really valuable from the plot. In reality, you’ve just spent two hours wrapped up in a fake story and you didn’t learn anything except maybe how to arrange a fruit bowl. So, this is what you spend your time doing now. Whatever.

  1. You find yourself shopping at Pottery Barn

Do you fancy a lavish living room or stealth kitchen counter accessories? I mean, are you human? Let’s not kid ourselves. As a kid, Pottery Barn was an endless maze of big shapes that I wasn’t aloud to touch or play with, like an adult playground that my mother snuck me into. But now the Pottery Barn catalogue is on my Pottery Barn living room table and I spend an unfathomable amount of time pinning photos to my Pottery Barn Pinterest boards.

  1. The club has about all the appeal of Chlamydia

You couldn’t be bothered to leave your comfy, Pottery Barn designed home to go bump elbows and cosmos with the stand-ins from Justin Bieber’s latest music video. I get it, girl. I, too, applaud the youth’s adventurous, social spirit, but I’d rather stay home and love myself, thanks.

  1. Your purse is a full first aid kit

You literally have everything from Plan B, to protein bars, to condoms, to stain-remover pens, to explosives, to a helmet, to an entire MAC cosmetics counter in your bag. If HG-TV ever discontinues or the world freezes over, you’ll be prepared.

  1. You make sure everyone has their seat belts on

It isn’t your car and you aren’t even the one driving, but safety is always the first thing on your mind these days. Not to mention, your Uber driver doesn’t look old enough to drive let alone see over the steering wheel.

  1. You find yourself using Mom-terms

You know the ones. You were buried in them throughout childhood. Phrases like, “Quiet down, I can’t even hear myself think,” and, “One day you’ll thank me.” Such expressions have now resurfaced into your daily dialect and you hope that soccer-mom jeans are not in your future. Thanks, ma.

  1. Your pumps and stilettos are collecting dust in your closet

You’ve recently discovered comfortable workout shoes and have fully converted like they are the goddamn Illuminati of footwear. Just to cover your bases, you made sure to buy the same ones your fav celeb wore to the gym that one time. So obvi, they are ultra, super hip shoes and by association, you are too.

  1. You repeat the same stories

Old people do this all the time. You’ll know you’re doing it because friends will cut you off when it happens because hearing the same story twice is incredibly annoying. Tough break, bro.

  1. New technology is confusing

You are no longer part of the youthful, bright generation that rolls their eyes at incompetent adults. You are the incompetent adult. A new group of brainy humans who had WiFi in the womb are surpassing your tech game. And fast. In fact, it probably happened a few years ago and you’re just now noticing because you’ve been repeating the same stories over and over. OMG, same.

  1. These days, one glass of wine is all it takes

Two pinots deep and you’re at your laptop buying cats on Amazon. And you know what, you’re okay with it. Dr. Oz would applaud your sugar cut back, and who couldn’t use another cat? No eye roll here. These bragging rights sell themselves!

So there you have it. Sure, your iPhone updates may be as puzzling as those SAT 9 ‘If Julie leaves for the train at x time but Johnny caught it at noon, what color is the moon?’ test questions, but otherwise you are now super versed in life’s greatest hacks and you have your mom to thank for it. You don’t have to verbally admit to her that she was actually right all along, but send your cute mom some flowers already and don’t forget to DVR that highly anticipated Lifetime drama, Are You My Daughter?

Featured image via Jessica Foreman


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