One of the most common reasons people struggle with the decision to settle down is the fear that reserving themselves for one person will hinder their personal growth. There’s an understanding that if you’re going to be able to make a relationship last, you have to make sure nothing major changes. It’s only natural to assume that if you’re choosing to stay with one person, you’re choosing for you both to remain just as you are. However, this way of thinking is seriously flawed.
Change is unavoidable. Change is the only constant thing there is in life and it should be embraced. A key part of life is allowing change and experiences to help you grow. That being said, love can last, no matter how much changes over the years you spend together. While, it’s definitely possible for a couple to grow apart, it’s also entirely possible for a couple to grow in a way that compliments each other.
Being in a committed relationship isn’t exactly about sacrificing your own development. It’s about working together towards both your goals. It’s important for each person to remain an individual in their own right. We all deserve to have dreams, interests, and freedom to learn more about who we are. But in a relationship, it’s necessary to be aware of your partner’s ambitions, too.
You need to be prepared to accept the new element that your partner brings to your life, and you must be concerned with their personal development, as well as your own. If you truly love a person, this will be completely attainable. You should (and will) want what’s best for them. Achieving a sense of harmony between your partner’s dreams and your own is the key to success.
Sometimes, you will have to step back and allow your partner a chance to shine. In turn, your partner will do the same for you when opportunity knocks. This isn’t always easy, but it’s worthwhile when it comes to love.
Another piece to the puzzle is that you must be on the same page as the person you’re attempting to create this life with. If they want to become a world-famous singer and travel the globe while you want to buy a farm and raise a family, things likely won’t work out.
When a couple “grows apart,” what’s really happened is that the individuals were no longer willing or able to suppress the people they were becoming for the other’s comfort or benefit any longer. It’s not that something changed so drastically and they became totally different people, it’s that they matured into the people they were always going to be. They have simply reached a point where they stop denying themselves parts of who they were in order to please someone else.
The truth is, anyone can be in a lasting relationship while simultaneously growing and maturing. The catch is that that process has to have already begun for a person to determine if in their path is in line with their partner’s. That’s where things get complicated because it can be so challenging to be in tune with who you are enough to have a firm outlook on your future.
The simplest explanation is this: building relationships needs to be about more than growing old together, it needs to be about growing up together, too. Each person must be in a place where they genuinely want to commit and build with another person. They must both have a strong sense of who they are, where they are, and where they want to go. They must also be mature enough to recognize when another person’s goals simply do not align with theirs and make decisions based on truth rather than feelings.
Don’t be afraid to go after everything you’ve ever wanted for yourself but don’t let yourself be fooled into believing that your plans can’t include someone to share your success with.
Featured Image via Davis Bates