Apparently, you just know.
I say apparently because there’s been dozens of times when I thought I knew. I was convinced, actually, that I had found it. I had ridden the roller coaster up, only to come crashing down within a few short months.
Apparently, it’s a feeling that you can’t describe.
Some claim that it’s the greatest feeling one could ever experience, while others swear against it. Saying it only causes more harm than good. How could something so wonderful be so hurtful?
Apparently, it’s different than any relationship you have ever shared before.
Differentiating between infatuation, and lust is the struggle of our generation. Was it a one-night stand or will this develop into a friends with benefits type of thing? Will I be able to escape the friend zone, or is he just being nice?
So honestly, I’m waiting for someone, for anyone to let me know….how the hell do you know when you’re actually in love?
Through all the confusion, you can’t help but wonder, am I ever going to feel it? Does it even exist, or are all these people who are “in love” just forcing some emotion that isn’t really there? You can say I’ve read one too many Nicholas Sparks books along the years. That maybe this is my foolish, naïve, inner-female speaking. Call it what you want, but I believe (and I’m sure I’m not alone) believe love exists. I believe that love is the most magical experience a person could have.
Quite frankly, I’m in love with being in love.
I’ve always been the friend who listened to all the relationship drama and gave advice on love as if I knew all about it myself. Hypocritical, I know, for someone who feels as though they have never experienced it. I’m my only housemate that isn’t in a relationship, the friend who sees “happy two year anniversary” or “we’re engaged!” on her Facebook news feed and feels a bit of a lump in her throat wishing, maybe one day that’ll be me.
I’m one of those people who has never had what I would consider a serious-long-term relationship. Have I “dated” people? Sure. I’ve lived in Europe, gone away to university and partied far more than my liver has appreciated throughout my late teens and early twenties.
Were there boys along the way? Yup.
Were there “flings” along the way? Double yup.
And as much as It pains my ego to admit this, with the developing of each (okay, not every but a nice chunk) fling, I thought I was in love. Needless to say, reality smacked me in the face when I was eventually ghosted or blown off without reason.
What was I missing all these times that I thought I had found the one? How could I have known that it actually wasn’t love?
I think we could all agree that life would be hella easier if you just magically knew who your “one” was supposed to be. Think about all the sleepless nights you’ve had wondering “does he love me, does he love me not?” All the screenshotted conversations you’ve sent your best friend. All the countless hours you’ve lurked every and any, girl who has posted on his Facebook wall in the past three years.
Wouldn’t it just be easier if we all knew what it felt like to actually be in love right from the start?
As much as I am dying to know what this knock-your-socks-off chemistry feels like, I would have to say no thanks (wow that took a lot out of me to admit). The reason why love is such a magical thing is because of its unpredictability. You aren’t supposed to know what it feels like, and no one should be able to tell you what to look for in order to find it. I think we can all say we’ve done outright crazy things in the name of love. Love makes you take risks and rushes you with an adrenaline greater than anything a drug could provide. Ke$ha was onto something when she said love was a drug, and it’s safe to say being drunk in love is a state that more than just Beyoncé has experienced.
With all this craziness being kept in mind, feelings are one of those things you can’t control sometimes. Emotions can make us do some crazy sh*t, and so long as it is within a certain level of sanity, I think that we can forgive someone because of an incident or reason rooted in feelings. Hell, if I could control when I got the feels for someone, I can assure you my drunk self would have a little more dignity right now. Now cheating is a different story, but being over protective because you love someone? That’s just love talking.
That being said do I regret anything I have ever done in the name of love? Absolutely not. As much as love can break you down, it also makes you stronger. It’s human nature to love and crave love, so don’t ever get down on yourself for any stupid mistake that’s been made because of that little four letter word. If you hadn’t fallen for that guy, or crushed on that quarterback, you would never have known that they weren’t the ones for you. You would never have known that those situations weren’t love. Love is one of life’s greatest lessons and one of the hardest courses you’ll take (and one course that my perfectionist self is not embarrassed of having a failing grade in).
So is love really all it’s cracked up to be? I can’t say that I know, or that I’m even certain it is. But one thing is for sure, I’ll probably fall for another ten guys, and probably have my heart broken another nine times. But I’m not going to give up on my quest to find it. And when I do, I’ll sure as hell tell you exactly how I knew it was love.
Featured image via Cassie Lopez on Unsplash