37 Realistic Things Ben Higgins Needs To Realize About The Remaining Girls

On this episode of The Bachelor, Benny boy is welcomed – somewhat – into the houses of the remaining four women to meet their families. This is usually one of the more exciting episodes of the season but this time around, it’s not all sunshine and roses (I’m so clever, I know). These hometown dates happened to showcase what bundle of burdens brought these women onto The Bachelor in the first place.

*sigh* And then there were four. Honestly, I can’t think of a better way to break a heart than by meeting her family first. So much neurosis (or neuroses…now that’s clever AF) and deep-seated anger; gotta love the hometown visits! Benji…we need talk. There’s some things you need to realize about the remaining girls

1. How happy Amanda got when she saw her daughters, now that’s something to fall in love with. And her daughters are her mini-me’s, how could you not fall in love with them and their perfect angel-faced mother.

2. If you could see the way Amanda looked at you while you were off with her little ladies, you wouldn’t have sent her home. You would’ve realized you made a huge mistake.

3. Ugh, dude, her daughter Kinsley was totes copying your every move and word. You got that sweet little girl sold on you being her new dad.

4. Lauren B took “food is the way to a man’s heart” so seriously. You pretty much ate at every street vendor known to man.

5. Then she took you to a Whiskey Library?! I would go ape shit sliding from bookcase to bookcase like Belle from Beauty and the Beast, don’t judge me.

6. Woof. Okay, so I guess Lauren B is in love with you too. She’s got those lovey-dovey eyes.

7. Lauren’s family is b-e-a-u-tiful. Your babies would be gorg, like Gerber baby status gorg.

8. Her sister is adorably protective…and she’s like super pretty. I kinda want to be her best friend.

9. Okay, so…you cried over how much you care about Lauren, so I think we just figured out who you’re in love with… Way to f*cking ruin the surprise Benjamin, although thanks for proving me right about my predictions.

10. Her family loves you and adores you. Marry the shit out of her.

11. This is super awk because she didn’t say it, but LAUREN LOVES YOU! She told me, and the rest of the world, personally.

12. I don’t blame you for playing with Caila’s hair. That shit is like a beautiful mane.

13. Girl can work her power tools. I’ll be honest, I didn’t see that one coming.

14. I bet you Caila didn’t catch the Officer and a Gentleman move you pulled. But just know, I appreciated it Benny boo.

15. Her dad has seriously mastered the Resting B*tch Face. And I’m not sure how I feel about that one.

16. Welp, Caila told everyone else she loves you, but you. Anddddddd she doesn’t fully trust you either, so like…dafuq Caila?

17. JoJo is showing off her titty ta-tas. Where the hell did they come from?

18. Oh shit, she thought the flowers and letter were from you, but no-no, they were from her ex Chad. F*cking Chad.

19. JoJo didn’t finish the letter out loud… And we’re kinda pissed about it, WHAT DOES IT SAY?!

20. Bro, she was just talking to her ex right as you were walking up. Just lookin’ out for you.

21. Dude, JoJo has so much baggage! Like a cargo truck full of baggage.

22. We got red roses, red flags, and red rum. I don’t know man, might wanna check that before she wrecks you.

23. She said her family will “love you” and once they meet you the day will only get better… Understand that is a goddamn lie.

24. Her bros are like supppper affectionate. Almost to the point of it being creepy.

25. Is it just me or does she not look like anyone in her family? Maybe her sister, but like her sis just disappears after a minute of camera time, so IDK.

26. Her house is BANGIN’. I want to live there, they don’t need to know I’m there either…I’ll live in the walls. Is that weird?

27. This is gonna be awk, but remember when she said she isn’t scared anymore last week? Well…I guess the current of that ocean changed because she’s back to saying she’s “so scared”.

28. You go from having really fun families to a cold, hard, thick-skinned, f*cking rootin’ tootin’, sharp-shootin’ (probs, because, well…Texas) family. *pew pew* mothertrucker.

29. Her bros are saying to guard her heart while mama dukes is telling her to fight for you. No wonder she is f*cked up.

30. “Ben, you’ve really brainwashed these girls way too much.” F*cking run.

31. Her other, more handsome, brother looks like he wants to punch you in your man junk… He’s like super hot though.

32. You’re “feeling slightly unsettled” after your hometown date with JoJo. I think you figured out what girl you should send packing back to her gorgeous mansion of a home, just sayin’.

33. JoJo is wearing a seriously risqué dress. Probs because she thinks her fam ruined her chances, so she’s throwing out all the stops, as well as her titty ta-tas.

34. BEN! You keep Amanda around, meet her daughters, and then send her home. F*CKING DICK MOVE…YOU DICKHOLE.

35. Amanda is still the biggest sweetheart even after you ripped her beating heart out. Why can’t you love her?! That woman is a pure angel.

36. Amanda needs to be the next Bachelorette, or my best friend. Either way, she deserves so much love from someone just as amazing as her.

37. Real quick, super glad you’re crying after sending Amanda home. I can’t get over what you did to her.

It’s getting to become more and more obvious that Ben seriously sucks at making it through it pre-prepared speech at the rose ceremonies without getting choked up. Get it together man, you still have two more hearts to break on national television after this week. The episode ends with Ben crying like a big ol’ baby to the cameras, which I’m sure is bringing immense amounts of happiness to Chad Bro Chad and JoJo’s two brothers, wherever they may be. As for the relationships he has with the remaining ladies, those will all play out next week in Jamaica. Lucky b*tches.

For any Bachelor fans out there that need to feel better about themselves, or just need a good chuckle, please do yourself a favor and watch this video in memory of our fallen “hero” (but not really) Olivia:

Check back next week for the recap of the next episode! The Bachelor airs Monday (8 p.m. ET) on ABC.

Featured Image via screengrab from The Bachelor.


  1. You are funny as hell… This show is entertaining to say the least. Jo Jo’s brothers creeped me out a bit, that was an over abundance of brotherly love. I’m not sure they’d be happy with anyone that was interested in her. And what the heck happened to her sister?! Poor girl is like the invisible sibling. However, I like Jo Jo the best. I can’t remember the other ones names much less anything else. They are all kinds of plain and boring. In real life there is no way that they generate much interest.


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