“He said he didn’t want anything serious and stopped talking to me, but it wasn’t even serious.”
Cue the typical boy who ran away because he was scared of the girl falling for him. A problem that almost every woman will face at least once in her life.
As I sat in my friend’s sorority house, it seemed to be the theme of the conversation. Why is it that most guys automatically assume that every woman who talks to them, shows them the slightest bit of interest, or hooks up with them, wants to date them? I’m sorry, but please calm your nerves. Not all women are looking for a relationship. Underline that, circle it, highlight it; do whatever you need to do to remember it.
We’re caught in the midst of what is considered “hook-up culture,” which is a term any 20-something knows all too well. We seem to have put aside the act of formal dating. Instead we spend our time “talking” to someone by constantly texting, Snapchatting, and liking each other’s Instagram photos.
Everything starts out great, you’re texting a cute guy, hanging out with him at the bar on Thursday nights, and spending your weekdays Snapchatting each other back and forth. Then you don’t hear from him for a few days. All of a sudden, you’ve been ghosted faster than you could even finish a bottle of wine.
But why? Everything was fine. You weren’t even acting batsh*t crazy. You guys seemed to have a lot in common, and you were just having fun.
Then, his roommate’s friend – who you’re good friends with – tells you that “he just didn’t want a relationship.” You think back to all the drunken Thursday nights, trying to remember if you ever mentioned wanting to date him. You sit there, perplexed, because you didn’t want a relationship either.
A relationship is the last thing you’re going for. So, why did this happen? You want to be forward and ask. But no, you know that’s not an option (unless you want to be labeled as the clingy girl who can’t let go).
As young 20-something girls, we are left with the notion that all guys automatically assume we want to hook up, date, get married, and live happily ever after in suburbia with two kids and a golden retriever. Sure, there are a fair share of girls looking for someone to date or already in a happy relationship, but it’s not a “one size fits all” type of situation.
I just don’t understand, is it a pride thing?
Is it because all guys mistake a woman’s kindness as flirting? Is it because guys are too self-absorbed to understand that the world does not revolve around them? LADIES HEAR ME: when they suddenly stand you up or they assume you want a relationship, please keep in mind it’s not you, girlfriend. It’s 100 percent them.
Or, could it be because guys are mainly known to fear commitment? If that’s true, then it makes sense that as soon as anyone who shows a small sign of wanting more, you’re going to be labelled as clingy, needy, and a psychopath.
Whatever the reason may be, it always seems that girls are the ones who get blamed in the end. So, to every girl out there who has ever experienced a situation like this, keep in mind you did nothing wrong. That is, unless you’re a batsh*t crazy sociopath who tries to force guys to date you. Then, I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.
Don’t think too much in these situations. Simply take them for what they are, and move forward. While doing so, help yourself to a drink (or six) because the dating life of a 20-something is no walk in the park. Bottoms up.
Featured image via Kyra Santoro