When the relationship was first starting you thought it was kinda cute how protective he was of you. He would get jealous when you even mentioned a guy’s name and you translated that to him really caring about you. Him really wanting you to be just his.
You found it endearing until your life slowly started to change because of it. You stopped making small talk with the barista, stopped grabbing a quick lunch with the guy down the hall at work, and eventually stopped hanging out with your guy friends all together. All because of his paranoia. All because you didn’t want to worry him.
He thinks he’s not good enough for you and is waiting for a better man to come by and try to take you from his hands. Or at least that’s how he sees it.
You’re way out of his league after all and everyone knows it. So he’s overprotective. He’s scared of losing you which makes his insecurities come out tenfold. He hates every guy that looks at you and sometimes even some of the girls. He makes sure that no one ever gets any “ideas” and that you don’t either.
This means you live by some unwritten and unspoken rules. That you don’t talk to other guys. That he knows where you are at every moment of every day. That you don’t go out partying anymore and that your old college friends understand that you aren’t the same girl you use to be.
This means that he has the power to scream at you when an old college fling leaves you a voicemail because he’s in town and what’s to catch up. This means that when you are texting anyone, he has a right to know who. This means that he can corner you at the party you attended together and breathe down your neck about how he knows the guy pouring the drinks has a thing for you and if you even some much look his way he will drag you out of the party himself.
This means you know he only does it because he loves you and can’t bear the thought of losing you. This means that you are both consistently living in fear brought on by his own insecurities. He lives in fear of losing you and you live in fear of him. Someone once said that a man is only insecure about a woman when he knows she deserves better.
And you do. You deserve a lot better. You deserve freedom and happiness. You deserve to be able to live your life with the people you want to be in it in it regardless of their gender or your connection to them. You deserve to be able to talk to the person how is making your coffee without worrying about how pissed off it’ll make your boyfriend. You deserve to be with someone that trusts you enough to have guy friends and to go out on your own.
You deserve so much better than a guy who is so overprotective of you that he wants to keep you locked up like Rapunzel in a tower. You deserve so much more than what you are getting right now. Honestly, you both do. Living in fear isn’t really living at all and if two people are making each other more fearful than they are making each other happy something is seriously wrong.
You deserve more than he can give you and he knows it too.
Featured Image via chloe.bouda