When it comes to falling in love, you don’t know who you’ll end up in a relationship with. You may fall in love or even get married to someone with a very different background, beliefs, or ideologies than you. So, what happens when you two are complete opposites?
Is it possible to learn how to love and have a healthy relationship when you and your spouse come from completely different worlds?
It’s common knowledge that major wars in history have been waged because of differing religious beliefs, traditions, and values.
News reports in the past decade have reminded us again and again that tensions exist in various parts of the world between different ethnic and religious groups for a variety of reasons. At times hostilities erupt between different groups and between factions within a particular group.
What does this have to do with marriage and, in particular, with successful long-term relationships?
Couples with healthy relationships and caring marriages have learned to cherish and protect their shared and individually-held spiritual beliefs, cultural differences, traditions, and values.
The truth is that marrying someone who shares your same beliefs, values, and traditions is, in no way, a guarantee of a successful relationship.
It is also true that marrying someone who does not share your same beliefs, values, and traditions does not mean that your relationship is destined to fail.
A determining factor in successful, healthy, long-term relationships is learning how to accept, understand, embrace, and cherish each other and the differences between you. Those differences may include a variety of things, including economic background, culture, ethnicity, language, family history, and religious background and beliefs.
As a couple, you have to learn to understand how these differences affect your beliefs, thoughts, and behavior. Then, you learn how to accept, embrace, and even cherish those differences.
If one of you is unable to come to terms with the differences, then your relationship will be a struggle.
If you are considering a relationship with someone with very different cultural, traditional, or religious beliefs, the following concepts will help the two of you succeed. Here’s what you can do if you and your partner are opposites.
1. Be curious.
Adopt an attitude of curiosity regarding their beliefs.
Learn as much as you can about the things that make you opposites. Then, compare their outlook to your own. Discuss the things that contributed to the way you look at things and how that may differ from their experience. Ask lots of questions without judgment, and learn all that you can.
Even if you both come from similar backgrounds, you may still learn of differences that you did not expect.
2. Be honest.
You may learn things that are quite different than what you expected. You may find there are things you will have to spend time thinking about and discussing to problem-solve.
This may include things like dietary habits that prohibit certain foods that have been a constant in your diet, differences in parenting and discipline, or very divergent views on medical practices or the celebration of religious holidays.
3. Be compassionate.
If something seems odd, different, or weird, be careful about passing judgment or saying things that indicate you are passing judgment.
Most of us have values, beliefs, and traditional practices that have been part of our lives from birth. While we may not fully understand the reason for a particular belief or practice, it may be a long-held and cherished tradition.
4. Run interference.
If either of you finds that there are family members who struggle with your decision to be with this person because of these differences, you must be prepared to address it.
Many families have long-held traditions. In the course of a year, there may be a number of family gatherings that involve these traditions. If your spouse is uncomfortable or unable to participate in a family tradition, you have come to terms with it.
Then ask your family to accept it as well and to withhold judgment of your spouse. Ask them to respect your decision to choose this person and to be respectful of the differences.
5. Listen to your inner voice.
If you are in the decision-making process regarding continuing a relationship with someone with whom you share many differences, ask yourself a few simple questions:
- Can I do this? Think through the differences between you. Then, determine if you really think you can live with the areas in which you are different.
- Is there anything you can’t accept? Next, you need to determine if there are any areas of difference between you that you would not be able to compromise or live with.
- How would your differences affect parenting? Are there any differences in your thinking or beliefs that would set up continual conflict?
- Can you deal with family? Does either family have expectations of change that one of you will not be able to live up to? Are you both prepared to deal with the challenges presented by your own family?
In previous generations, the advent of major world wars and conflicts brought together couples from completely different cultures. And it often resulted in successful marriages that crossed many cultural divides. So, it’s definitely possible to have a healthy relationship comprised of two opposites.
In our current world, there are many other avenues available to aid in the development of relationships across cultural, religious, ethnic, and traditional divides.
With the right amount of sensitivity, curiosity, honesty, openness, acceptance, care, and mutual respect, these divides need not stand in the way of a successful relationship and marriage. So, if you and your partner are opposites, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed.
Originally written by David McFadden on YourTango
Featured image via CHANNNSY on Pexels