7 Things Men Do That Make Me Wonder If I’m Actually Asexual

asexual

Physical touch and intimacy is such a major part of life, especially in relationships. Cuddling is honestly the greatest in my opinion. And I tend to be naturally affectionate with those I’m really close to, so hugs and casual touches are a must. And of course there is sex for when things get more heated. But there are just some things I have found that men do, both in and outside of relations, that make me want to turn away from sex completely and be asexual.

Toxic Masculinity

The tough, emotionless caveman act isn’t just ridiculous and outdated — it’s completely unattractive.  We should really let the idea that a man shouldn’t show emotion die. Men don’t need to be tough and in control all the time. As a head-strong, independent woman, the last thing I want in a relationship is for a man to tell me how I should behave and think.

Only French Kissing

French kissing can be fun, but it’s not the only way to kiss. Sometimes a simple peck is all anyone needs. There is so much more to kissing than making out. Your tongue does not need to go down my throat every time our lips touch.

Make-Up Sex

Why is make-up sex the first thing that enters a man’s mind after a fight? Honestly, what happened to just talking? If my significant other and I fight, the next course of action should be talking to each other about it so we can come to a compromise.

A relationship requires more than just physical intimacy. It requires an emotional connection. Whether you’re sexual or asexual, rolling around in the sheets doesn’t solve problems. It doesn’t seem like a productive way to move forward in a relationship or solve problems.

“What Are You Wearing?”

Yes, I have lingerie. I’ve shopped at Victoria Secret, and I like to dress up and feel sexy. But just because any of that is true does not mean that I only ever wear lingerie. 

No, I don’t always wear lingerie, makeup, and sexy panties. In fact, I am usually wearing sweatpants if I am relaxing at home or lounging around the house. I prefer comfort first and foremost. I’m not going to sit around playing video games in lingerie just to upkeep your flawed views of feminine beauty. Sorry, not sorry.

Assuming Porn Is Reality

It is okay to watch porn, enjoy it, and even take ideas from it. But what you see in porn is not how sex really is. In fact, porn is an extremely over-glamorized version of sex. I don’t know how this is not common knowledge yet. 

You cannot base sex on everything you see and hear in porn. And if you are going to try using dirty talk with me, either work on it or keep your mouth shut. Honestly, asexual or not, the last thing I want to hear is some stupid, cliché line you picked up from a porno flick.

More Than Friends

I’ve always had more male friends than female growing up. I just feel more comfortable with the guys. But as I got older, I noticed more and more of my male friends wanting to be more than that. There were even sometimes I became friends with a guy only to learn he had the intention and hopes of dating me. Can a guy and girl really not be just friends? Also let me just say, friendships evolve over time. If I see you as a brother, the last thing I want to do is date you. Just accept that we are friends and don’t bring up friends with benefits because no, just no.

More Than Sex

What it also really all boils down to is that there is more to life and relationships then sex. I never go into a relationship thinking about what the sex will be like or how soon or often we will have it. In fact, that isn’t even one of the things that comes to my mind. It is also something that doesn’t need to be rushed. It will happen when it happens with the right person, as clichéd as that may sound. But it is true. Let’s talk, cuddle and get to know each other. Let’s spend hours talking about nothing or playing video games.

I acknowledge that everyone has different opinions and beliefs. But for me personally, men do several things that are more turn-offs than turn-ons. In fact, these things make me really question how asexual I actually am.

Featured Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash.

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