Finding sexual chemistry in the workplace can be really fun — as long as it works out in the right way. But what happens when you find yourself in bed (or on the desk) with your boss? Sure, sleeping with your boss can be steamy and sound like a good idea. But there’s a lot to consider… And I learned about it first-hand.
I always got along with one of my coworkers specifically. Even after he got promoted to manager, we were still very open about our sex lives. Then over time, we started getting closer on a personal level too. After a while, I found myself sleeping with my boss. My much, much older boss. His position at my workplace didn’t affect my decision to have sex with him by any means. But soon I learned that it can complicate things.
1. Don’t expect special treatment.
Sure, you might get some preferential treatment from time to time, but you can’t expect it every day. When it comes to special requests, your boss might grant them more frequently than before. What’s more, your boss may automatically start doing things they know you like to make your job easier. However, they could be extra stern on you to prove there’s nothing going on between the two of you. As a result, you’ll probably find yourself on one side of the spectrum or the other, or perhaps a good mixture of the two. Regardless, be prepared for that.
2. Their actions might hurt your feelings.
As your sexual chemistry grows and you become more comfortable with your boss, you may notice that your sex routine stays the same — but not your work one. For example, if you’re used to getting special treatment, and they don’t do you a favor when you ask, you might get rubbed the wrong way. If they don’t flirt with you in secrecy during your shift like they normally would, you start to think they’re not interested. And heavens forbid they don’t have sex with you or seem distant. The mind games do happen at some point or another, even if they are temporary.
3. Sex at work isn’t what it seems.
I’ll admit: When I first started seeing my boss (naked), I was really into the idea of having sex at work. But the more we did it the more my mind started to wander. The anxiety that worrying about someone catching us gave me made me too nervous to want to have sex, let alone enjoy it. On top of that, there are other distractions that pop up like, “Did I finish doing this?” or “Can those people see us through that window?” all the way to “here are the security cameras?” — no thought is off-limits.
4. Romantic feelings can change things.
Even if you keep insisting that your relationship is purely sexual, romantic feelings can occur. Over time you may find your sexual relationship becoming more regular than before and that’s normal. When that happens though, you have to hide your feelings and be extra careful at keeping your sexcapades a secret from your coworkers. You’ll have a lot to balance.
5. It might get weird when it ends.
Sure, you might end up getting married, or getting caught. Or you could just decide this isn’t for you anymore. If that’s what you decide though, remember that working with someone you have a history with is hard. I mean, all they need to do is make a sexual joke and you immediately picture them naked or get sad. If it does end, treat it like a breakup and try to keep it professional. Work hard, don’t take things personally, and for the love of God, don’t spread rumors about them out of spite.
Yes, I have loved the time I was sleeping with my boss — I was able to reap lots of benefits, such as having shifts with him so work was never boring. I’ve also learned to keep it as neutral as possible and try not to show my interest in him. We’ve agreed to keep it coy, and that’s what’s led to the success of our after-hours sexcapades. And despite the risk of potentially losing your job if it ends or enduring awkwardness, it’s very enjoyable! After all, it’s sex — you’re supposed to have fun.