I love sex. I’m a woman and I’m not afraid to admit it despite the stigma attached to a female enjoying those pleasures. And while some men find it really attractive that I’m kinky or aware of what I want in the bedroom, a lot of them are intimidated and it ultimately drives them away.
It may surprise you, but my love for sex actually drives men away.
I first learned of how important sex was to me when I was dating my boyfriend of two years. He didn’t have much experience in that area when I met him, which was fine and certainly didn’t deter me like everyone thought it would. Instead, I preferred to look at it in terms of how I can mold him. Once we started becoming more comfortable with each other under the sheets, it became clear to me that we just didn’t have any sexual chemistry.
The truth is, I hated having sex with him. It’s not to say that he was bad in bed, because he wasn’t. I just couldn’t get aroused and wasn’t turned on enough to even get him to fit. And no, it wasn’t because of the lack of trying. We also just weren’t into the same things; I was adventurous and willing to expand my interests while he wanted to keep it simple.
Looking back, I’m surprised I stayed in a sexless relationship for as long as I did. However, it’s fairly common for people to write-off sexual incompatibility in relationships, because it seems “less important” than other compatibilities.
The more I found myself casually dating and the topic of sex came up, the more I could see them pull away a bit when I’d mention that I’m a little more adventurous than they are. They’d blame it on lack of experience with a girl who knows what she wants. Or they’d say that they were intimidated by some of the things I’m into, like rough sex.
Some of them also just couldn’t keep up with what I wanted or how much I wanted it. By no means do I want sex every single day, that’s just absurd at times. But I’m also realistic in the sense that I still expect to get some at least once a week. Unless we’re both too busy or the timing is wrong. They were fine with an occasional seven minutes in bed and that was it, nothing more.
Similarly, I’ve also found some great friends with benefits over the years who share the same kinks and interests as myself. The sex was always amazing, never dull or boring.
I’ve also had a few partners over a few years’ time span that we almost had definable sex. I had one guy where we heavily relied on spontaneity and had the steamiest and kinkiest of sex. I had another where we just did what porn stars did; like using oil and really playing with toys during sex. Similarly, I had another where we used each other to explore our kinks from time to time almost as a chance to do them without judgement — since neither of our previous partners ever wanted to do that stuff.
However, those kinds of guys never seemed to want to date me because they liked our casual relation — a friendship with some bomb-ass sex and no strings attached. For the most part, I was okay with that because I knew exactly what our relationship was — purely sexual. I was physically attracted to them, but I knew I couldn’t see myself having something serious with them because of other deal-breakers.
I’m proud to say that I like to switch things up; try new positions, have sex in different places, role play, use toys and throw in some passionate lovemaking. I enjoy all of these things. So when you find someone else who is interested in the same things, it’s like finding a diamond in a gold mine. Especially if they are confident and dominating in their abilities.
I’ve learned that I feel satisfied and fulfilled when I’m with someone who can equally match my love for sex or desires. Sexual chemistry is so important to me to be able to function within a romantic relationship! Maybe it’s because I took my time to explore myself and learn how I need to be pleased after years of boring sex where a guy didn’t even touch my clit. However, I am in a place in my life now where I’m sexually liberated and not willing to settle. I deserve to be pleased too.