Modern society makes casual hookups look amazing. However, meaningless sex can really mess with your emotions. While it might result in temporary feelings of pleasure, meaningless sex can leave you with long-lasting negative emotions, like self-doubt and regret. Chances are, though, you’ve engaged in sexual relations that aren’t conducive to your mental health, like a one-night stand or sleeping with an emotionally abusive ex.
It’s about time that we make those regrets a thing of the past though, don’t you think?
For the longest time, I didn’t believe that I deserved sex that fulfilled me both physcially and emotionally. Even when I had great sex, I felt like something was missing. Instead of evaluating why I didn’t feel satisfied with my sex life, I just kept seeking more. I didn’t know what I was looking for but was sure that the answer was somewhere between the sheets.
There’s a certain level of intimacy that you just don’t find when you have meaningless sex. Sure, you might engage in aftercare — whether that’s as simple as your partner getting you a glass of water or something more involved after some D/S (Dominant/Submissive) play — and that’s great.
However, that’s not the same as having a deep connection with a partner who truly cares for you and takes the time to get to know you on a deeper level.
Your sexual needs are valid, and you should only spend your naked time with someone who’s receptive to your needs, whose needs you can meet in return. You might be more into anal play or need to have a toy stimulate your clitoris in order to climax. Reciprocation is key for meaningful sex.
Eventually, I realized that I used sex as self-medication. That fleeting pleasure dampened the emotional pain I subconsciously felt. Like any quick fix, though, it didn’t last. So I would search for that pleasure again, sometimes with the same partner, sometimes with someone new. I thought that meaningless sex made me feel carefree and unattached. However, I didn’t see that I was digging myself into a deeper hole.
The more I threw myself into insignificant sexual encounters, the more I craved the connection that I didn’t know was missing from my sex life. After a while, I no longer delighted in my sexual freedom and instead drew in on myself. I found fault after fault with myself, and my confidence plummeted. Of course, I had no idea what caused my low feelings until I accidentally found a partner who truly cared for me both in and out of the bedroom.
Eventually, I discovered that I wanted more connection and meaning in my sex life, not just more sex.
If you feel gloomy about your sex life, don’t feel discouraged, but do take action. Sex should feel great at every age, and wanting positive experiences in bed isn’t asking too much. Whether you’re in a brand-new relationship, are enjoying a casual fling, or have been with the same sexual partner for years, your partner needs to support your satisfaction and well-being, just as there are things you need to remember about their needs.
While my eye-opening sexual relationship didn’t last forever, it made me think about what I really wanted from my partners and my sex life. I’m not saying that casual encounters are wrong, but I personally needed more than casual sex. I needed sex that’s just one part of a deeper relationship, not the only thing in the relationship.
I learned that meaningless sex is not emotionally sustainable. It wasn’t for me, and I consider myself to be the type of person that can do just fine on my own, thank you very much. The foundation for a healthy, successful relationship depends on both partners treating each other respectfully from the get-go. Don’t sell yourself short in your sex life. When it comes to selecting a sexual partner, you deserve to be picky when it comes to selecting a sexual partner.
Feature Image via Stay Close Travel Far