The thought of hurting a loved one makes us all scared in unimaginable ways. It goes against the very thing we stand for — love. It’s a foreign feeling, one that is never positive. But why does this make even the amazing things scary? Why does it make us scared?
I’m terrified of your kisses. Of your touch. I’m scared of the warmth of your heart, and of your love. I’m scared of the good times we share. Moreover, I’m terrified that one day, I’ll long for your embrace. For the taste of your lips. But you won’t be there to kiss me whenever my lips will be dying for yours. I’m scared that the comfort of your love won’t be there to keep me warm whenever my heart grows cold and on the brink of breaking. And it kills me.
I’m terrified that, one day, when I’ll need you the most you won’t be there.
I’m scared of the pain I will have caused you. Moreover, breaking your heart in ways I never imagined is my greatest fear. It shakes me to my core that the smile I put on your lips, that the joy you say you can’t help but show off to the world, will be erased by me. That your pain will be my doing and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.
I’m terrified of our love, as beautiful as it is, that one day it will turn ugly.
I worry that, one day, I won’t be the one you count on. That it won’t be my shoulder you’ll be crying on. That it won’t be my arms you’ll run to for comfort. I’m terrified that I won’t be the one that gives you the strength to help you through your troubles. I’m scared that one day, I will be merely the cause of your tears.
Also, I’m terrified of the sweet words; the words I can’t help but utter at the very sight of you. I’m terrified of the poems I write for you. I’m scared that, one day, these won’t be kind words gracing your ears. Then, I’m terrified that, one day, you will shed tears. Not because of my beautiful words, not because of how much you love me, but because of the hurt I will have caused you.
I’m terrified of the smell of your perfume. I am scared that one day, its familiar scent will be a reminder of the hurt I’ll have caused you.
I’m terrified of the promises I make. I’m terrified that I might not live up to them. And I worry that I will be a disappointment to your heart, to our love. Then, I’m terrified that one day, my words will have no meaning to you.
I’m terrified that the future we see together might not come to pass. I’m scared that the life we picture won’t be. And it breaks me. I’m terrified that the memories we make will one day be a nuisance. That the memories we make will not be there to keep us young when the time catches up with us. I’m terrified that it won’t be ‘us’ growing old together. That it won’t be us telling our never-ending stories to our grandkids at Thanksgiving.
I worry that we won’t be the annoying couple who just can’t get enough of each other. Moreover, I fear that, one day, we will be fed up with each other. That, one day, we won’t be able to sit in the same room for a minute longer with each other. I’m terrified that you’ll resent me and all that I stand for.
I’m terrified that your heart will be unknown to me someday. That I’ll be a stranger to your heart, unwelcomed. I’m scared that the workings of your mind will be a distant thought. Something I’ll never be able to understand.
I’m scared that one day, you will look into my eyes and not feel a thing. That one day, love will fade away as if it were never there.
Consequently, I’m terrified that one day, you’ll be a memory that I will always suppress. A thing of the past.
I’m scared that one day, the ‘us’ that is now will no longer be.
I’m terrified of losing you, and that’s why I’ll do everything to hold onto you.
Previously published on Thought Catalog