When I received my pair of glasses in September of 2017, I felt brand new. With its cat eye frame and blue handles, my glasses made me feel stylish and cool. Friends complimented the new spectacles and claimed they “completed my sexy teacher look.” Strangers wondered where I got them. New dates remembered me by them. I soon realized that my glasses were so much more than corrective lenses to fix my astigmatism — they were my new friend to go on adventures with.
Over the three years I’ve had my glasses, the two of us have weathered plenty of storms. Here are five awkward moments that my glasses have been my method of vision and my BFF:
I accidentally stabbed a date in the hand with a fork because I literally couldn’t see.
On a date that called for “dining in the dark,” I forgot to take my glasses with me. Without my specs, I bumped into doors and walls all evening, which made me look like a complete klutz. However, that wasn’t the worst part because I accidentally stabbed my date in the hand twice as we shared food.
My takeaway from the night? Forgetting glasses can lead to adventures, but I don’t recommend it if you want to experience the world in full.
I learned about my super strength after I dropped my glasses in the toilet.
As I was trying to master another TikTok dance (like everyone else during quarantine), I knocked my glasses off of my face and looked down in horror as I watched them fall into the toilet as it flushed. Acting on superhuman strength I didn’t know I possessed, I managed to save them from the suction of the bowl. I may have been soaked in toilet water up to my elbows, but my visual sidekick was intact.
My takeaway from this terrifying moment? Always leave your eyewear on your face or in their case, not some other place.
My glasses are tough enough to take on any obstacle, including kickballs, basketballs, and tree branches.
With the warmer weather comes sports and physical activities that may put your glasses in danger. While playing kickball and basketball, my glasses have been knocked off my face and nearly stepped on by opposing players. They’ve also endured the rampage of overgrown tree branches that stuck out as I rolled up my car window.
My takeaway from these close encounters? Invest in a great case and make sure your glasses always remain tight around your face, so you don’t lose your place.
My glasses saved me from continued squinting that people always mistake for a “special” wink.
Due to my nearsightedness, I always sat near the front of the classroom when I could. However, that wasn’t always possible — and it led to plenty of misunderstandings. While sitting in back of various classes, I would squint so I could see what the professor wrote on the board. Of course, that one guy would always mistake my squinting for a suggestive wink. So as he would approach me after class, I’d always end up explaining that I just wanted to see the chemistry notes, not create some chemistry of my own.
My takeaway from these mistaken gestures? Always be upfront about your visual needs and your interest in others.
I discovered the importance of carrying a cleaning cloth for my glasses because you never know when they may fog up..
Between mask breath, rainy days, and farts on couches at house parties, my glasses and I have experienced a lot of “steamy” moments together (and I don’t mean the romantic kind). Honestly, glasses can fog up anywhere, so you should always be prepared.
My takeaway from those “steamy” moments? Always bring a cleaning cloth, keep your specs away from couches at parties, and wear your glasses high on the face.
Your glasses serve as an unexpected but steadfast buddy through life. You want to make sure that they’re around to help you enjoy life and everything it brings. Remember to protect them while you’re doing so.