Apparently Brad Pitt Is Into Some Kinky Sh*t

HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - JULY 22: Actors Brad Pitt, Margo Robbie, and Leonardo DiCaprio attend the Sony Pictures' "Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood" Los Angeles Premiere on July 22, 2019 in Hollywood, California.(Photo by Glenn Francis/Pacific Pro Digital)

We’re going to need a lot of caffeine to fully process this one: Brad Pitt is dating a 27-year-old German model Nicole Poturalski, who is in an open relationship with a 68-year-old restaurateur Roland Mary. Is this story making anyone else’s nipples hard? Because it’s equal parts psychotic and delicious, and the sex appeal calibration is off the fucking charts.

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Poturalski and Mary got married eight years ago and share a seven-year-old son, Emil. Call it modern. Call it weird. Or call it Woody Allen on a Tuesday. But, I am dropping every insignificant detail of my life, packing my bags, and marching to my couch to vicariously live through this whirlwind love affair.

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But wait — get this: Brad has known Roland for years. They first met back in 2009 at Mary’s restaurant, Borchardt, when Brad was in Berlin promoting Inglorious Bastards. Borchardt is a somewhat notorious hotspot for celebrities including Barack Obama, George Clooney, Madonna, Natalie Portman, and German leader Angela Merkel.

Brad met Nicole last year when she slipped him her number at Borchardt while Pitt was there promoting his film Once Upon A Time In Hollywood. Scandalous.

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However, scandals aside, we’re just so happy for our beloved Brad! He’s been through the wringer with an emotionally draining divorce, custody battle, and rehab stints. Through and through, however, he will forever be the leading man of our hearts. We are all rooting for his health, wealth, and happiness from the sidelines and this story is all that we could’ve hoped for. Well, truth be told, a rekindling with a certain Jen Aniston was up there as well. But we’ll take what we can get.

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Besides, kudos to Poturalski, who appears to be a walking Dove commercial. She has been modeling for several years and is no doubt smarter than just a walking mannequin. You caught the detail about marrying a 68-year-old millionaire with the leeway to date other people, right? I mean, isn’t she living the dream?

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Upon further investigation, Poturalski’s Instagram uses “Mary” as her last name (savage), with a byline that reads: “Be yourself, nobody can be you.” Um (gulp).

Elementary, sure. However, many celebrities have committed more public faux pas and they are still our major idols. So I have faith that Nicole will turn this around. Love that for her.

Brad and Nicole have since been seen at the Berlin Film Festival, a Kanye West concert in LA, and galavanting around in France at Brad’s chateau. Naturally. Yes, I’m aware that I’m drooling, thank you. But “Brad,” “galavanting,” “France,” and “chateau” are all used in the same sentence, so it’s only natural my heart skips a few hundred beats. You understand.

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What are your thoughts on this spicy new info? Let us know in the comments below.

Featured image via Toglenn

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