When do you consider someone a friend?
Is it when you regularly meet up for drinks? When you see them as an extension of your family? Everyone has a different definition of the word “friend,” so friendship can be a tricky thing when we all approach it so differently. Friendship is especially tricky when you are an easygoing person who lets all kinds of people into your life before even defining for yourself what you need in a friend.It’s almost impossible to be my friend these days. My requirements are so high that no mortal being can reach them. It’s as if I sabotage my friendships on purpose so that no one can come close to me.
My trust in people is so low that I fail to open myself up to meet new friends.
I don’t even bother to establish friendships anymore when I know that they will just turn into superficial relationships in which we only meet up to complain and indulge in daily gossip.
To me, friendship isn’t about seeing each other on a regular basis, nor is it about seeing each other only when we’re wasted on the weekends.
It’s not using each other as laughingstocks to wash away the tense feelings that have been floating around the room. Friendship is not about being polite to each other’s faces but feeling frustrated behind each other’s backs when you don’t have the guts to tell your bestie how you really feel.
However, it’s also not about hurting your friend because you don’t consider the consequences of your honesty. When your friend’s feelings are at stake because you were too blunt, you should really take a good, hard look at yourself to check whether you are being a decent human being, let alone a good friend.
On the other hand, I also know what I need to bring to the table to be a good friend. I don’t like half-assing my friendships; there is no middle ground for me. To me, friendship is all or nothing, which means that you are either my friend for life or completely dead to me.
My first rule for being a good friend?
Let go of your ego and be aware of your actions.
Know when to shut up in serious situations, know when to speak up to help, and know when to let go. Understand when to apologize and when to take the blame. Know how to listen and take your friends’ concerns seriously. Know how to genuinely say sorry if you have hurt someone, no matter whether or not it was on purpose.
Friendship is all about give and take.
There’s no need to keep score of how well you are playing the game.
Friendship doesn’t have to be tricky, but we play f*cked-up mind games with each other, which makes it too complicated. We enter someone’s life and begin to think we know them well, so we put enormous amounts of trust in them without ever questioning if they’ll hurt us.
When our friends do mess up, consciously hurt us or breaking our trust, we find ourselves dumbfounded. The whole situation seems laughable, surreal to the point that we’re in a state of shock, struggling to comprehend what the f*ck actually happened.
I’m failing to open up myself again because of the betrayal that comes with friendship. For me, making friends is as tricky as gambling. I keep trying because I want to win, but I always end up losing, going home with empty pockets.
Even though I always feel like I’m losing out on the types of friendships I want, I’ll never give up on trying to find those deeper connections. I’m searching for someone who won’t just go out for brunch for me, but who will also truly understand me.
Featured Photo by dunedincasino.