I’m Not As Naive As I Used To Be In Our Relationship

This is about someone coming back from a broken relationship, years later, and thinking that nothing has changed–that you can pick up right where you left off and forget about the destruction that they caused when they left. This is about that person thinking that you are still that weak person that they had left and that you will just give in to their needs once again. This is about you turning into the strong person that you needed to be then to push past it all.

I see your name pop up on my phone,
making my heart flutter like it did before.
It feels like it was just yesterday,
when you were simply just knocking at my door.

You were that one person,
my lobster, my penguin, my piece of time.
You were something so special to me,
and you were never really mine.

Broken pieces still lay shatter between the wreckage that we call our own.
It’s hard to waver through it all,
knowing in the end once again,
we aren’t alone.

We have tried to repair this wound before,
with little to no repair,
we have tried to be civil to each other,
knowing that it would always go a step further beyond our care.

But there is something different in the air this time,
something has changed behind these eyes,
something that is beyond repair or focus,
I don’t know when, but something broke within your lies.

You keep coming back,
thinking that things haven’t changed.
You keep making promises,
Forgetting that you were the one to blame.

You keep wandering off,
back to the real girl who holds the reins,
and yet you keep crawling back,
hoping things can be the same.

You say that you need something more,
that you miss the way it was before.
You say that you miss my touch,
and the way that it used to be so much.

You say that you’re not happy,
that you wish things could be different,
you say that you wish you could take it back,
and yet, you still retreat back to her bed and pretend everything is magnificent.

Here we are again,
you still try to stand above while I’m forced to wait for your response,
but something is different this time,
because I don’t find myself needing you so much.

I don’t find myself in agony,
waiting for your words.
I don’t find myself hopeful,
that you have changed for the good.

I don’t find myself desperate for you to see that I have changed,
for you to see that I’m better off without you,
for you to see that I didn’t need you by my side,
that you would have been the luckiest if you stayed.

I know that the long pauses between mean that she is close by,
that I’m a secret you’re desperate to keep,
that I’m hidden from your story,
that I continue to be something that you hide.

I know that I’m not a welcomed topic among your friends,
or something that you want her to find,
because of the things that you have said to me,
are a good enough reason for her to leave you behind.

Someday you will realize that I have always been able to see beyond your lies,
I’ve always been able to see beyond the words that you call truth.
Know that there is more to you than meets the eye.
Someday you will realize that I was weak then,
but now I’m strong.
Someday you will realize that I won’t fall for your act again,
there is no way that you can make me regret this at all.

I wish you could see something that has been lurking inside of me,
something that has been waiting to be unleashed.
This strength that I have been hiding,
so afraid to release.

The problem is, baby, that you have never really looked at me,
you never really took a moment to get to the root of it.
Baby, what you don’t see is,
I’m not as naive as I used to be.

Featured image via Pixabay


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