I Don’t Think I’m Capable Of Loving You The Way You Deserve

We use the word soulmate so freely these days, but do we really know what it means? A soulmate is a person who is ideally suited for you as a close friend or a romantic partner. It is a person who from the moment you meet, you are completely drawn to them like a magnet. They help you experience feelings you have never felt before. They are the person who makes you smile, who gives new meaning to life. They are someone you have a deep connection with, a bond that cannot be explained. A soulmate is someone who makes you feel complete, like the piece you were missing in your puzzle. Now there is something I want to tell this seemingly perfect person in my life before we get too ahead of ourselves; .

Dear future soulmate,

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you are blessed with a life you deserve. I am glad to have you as my soulmate; I don’t think I could possibly ask for more. I was always the person who believed in a fairy tale love story until life happened. I’ve always believed that the story isn’t over until there was a happily ever after. Well I was wrong, and I know that now. You may be that prince on a white horse that I’ve always dreamed of, but now that I have found you, I would just want tell you,

please don’t fall in love with me.

I had a very clean and pure expectation of love but now, with time and life experiences, that has changed. I come with baggage and trust issues so I request you to not fall in the maze I call love. I have a major defense mechanism, which helps me from getting hurt again, which also refrains me from really loving again. I am not the type to do anything half-heartedly and being in love is last of the things I want to do that way, so please do me a favor and don’t fall in love with someone broken like me. Don’t try to fix me in any way because who I am today is the result of various hurtful life experiences that I have gone through in my life.

It is these experiences that have made me who I am today. I wouldn’t trade these painful memories for the happiest ones in my life. I talk a lot and rest assured I will make you laugh, a lot. There is a reason I am the sole clown amongst all my friends. Don’t mistake my friendship for love. As much as I would love the feeling of being in love, I don’t think I am ready to give my heart out to anyone just as yet. I don’t think I will be able to love you the way you deserve so please, don’t fall in love with me just yet. I know you have certain expectations from the person you love and I don’t think I will be able to match them for you. I can act deranged, cartoonish, broken, vulnerable and immature all at the same time. This is who I am and there is no fix to it. If your idea of love is someone who is perfect then don’t fall in love with me because I am far from it.

Don’t think that I am unrealistic and irrational because I am not. I have just trusted too many times to get hurt every single time that it’s hard if not impossible for me to trust again. I agree that not everyone is the same, but I am just trying to protect my heart more than returning your feelings. Don’t think I don’t believe in compromising because I do. In fact, I have compromised way more than you can imagine to get nothing back in return. People say too many things without meaning it, and how do I trust that you are any different?

You can say you love someone but unless you demonstrate that love through your actions, your words become meaningless. – Stephen Covey.

Don’t fall in love with me because I won’t be able to reciprocate your love. I don’t have any love to give you because now it’s time for me to fall in love with myself first.

Feature Image via Karina Istomina.

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