They always say human beings have the innate tendency to always want what they can’t have. There’s just something about the challenge, the whole off-limits aspect, that makes the idea even more attractive. They shouldn’t be yours; not now, not ever.
The hot professor.
Or, even better, the smoking hot boss.
Let’s be real, we’ve all had this fantasy at one point or another. Admitting it is the first step. Dealing with this little crush? Now, that’s a whole other story. I, for one, can fess up to having crushed on a few of my professors over the years (what’s hotter than someone who is smart AND charismatic?? NOTHING). Based on my experiences, and some help from other schoolgirl crush victims, here are the 7 stages of crushing on your professor/boss/co-worker.
- The Initial Encounter
Whether it be the first class of the term, or the first day on the job, there’s something about that first glance that resonates with you forever. I mean, they say first impressions are everything but man this is an encounter like no other. You could have sworn you totally saw them check you out the second you walked into the room, and there was definitely some next level eye flirting going on. Do all the other students notice the chemistry too? The sexual tension needs a freaking steak knife in order to cut through it.
- The CSI Research Investigation
The biggest elephant in the room needs to be revealed pronto; whether it’s through excessive Facebook lurking, innocently investigating among mutual friends, or Google browsing back to page 17: is there a significant other? If there isn’t: OH BABY. If there is… oh baby…
Aside from partners, you have this sudden desire to know everything about them as if they are a Trivia Pursuit category. Where did they go to school, grow up, spend New Years in 2010, their favourite flower, blood type, etc.?
Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. LinkedIn. Tumblr. You name it, you’ve stalked it. So much so that you actually feel like you know them on a personal level now, despite your one, maybe two, conversations.
- The Seed Planting
With all this information ammunition armed and ready to shoot, you start asking more questions in class, lingering around the lunch room a little longer. You start to notice their scheduling habits, when they take coffee breaks, or which hallways they usually walk down. With each encounter, some casual conversation develops, and the conversation become longer and deeper with the passing of each day.
- The Obsession
Suddenly that finance class everyone expected you to dread becomes your favorite class; perfect attendance and participation to say the least. Working overtime on that project becomes choice rather than a demand. The worst part of this stage? The fantasies. F*ck, are they vivid. And I’m not even referring to making out in the teacher’s lounge, or on the boardroom table; anything and everything becomes a fairy tale in your head. The fantasies increase in frequency and detail to the point that you’ve caught yourself almost explaining them to your best friend. She wouldn’t judge, right? It’s not like you’ve actually carried out any of these encounters…yet.
- The Confession
Well f*ck, your drunk mouth just had to let it out over after work drinks with the girls the other night. Thank gosh you didn’t go into too much detail, just dropping a name and maybe that there’s some potential interest. Reactions were what you expected them to be. “No way??!” “STOP!” “Since when?!!?” Immediately these questions are answered. Regret is definitely starting to kick in: what was I thinking, this will never be, etc. This stage usually concludes with the necessary oath of secrecy. No one else should ever hear about the topic of this discussion ever. EVER. These are your friends, not just your co-workers or your classmates. They wouldn’t dare spill your secrets…
- The Turning Point
Well f*ck x2… They definitely know. Someone must have told them, because suddenly that spark doesn’t seem to be as contagious as it used to be. Did they suddenly get grey hair? How did their attractiveness go from 100 to 0, real f*cking quick? The conversations went from being spicy like Sriracha, to extra mild Tostitos salsa, and all of a sudden the usual break times have changed. Is this what an epiphany is? Mid-life crisis in your early twenties?
- On to the Next One
New semester, new project teams, new office seating arrangement, whatever it may be, with the changing of routines comes the changing of the prospects on your radar. Who doesn’t like a clean slate and some fresh meat (or fresh beans for the vegetarians out there)?? Before you know it, you find yourself back at stage one, and so the cycle continues.
A little crush never hurt anybody, and besides, how are you supposed to ever figure out what you like and don’t like without a little experimentation? As long as some degree of professionalism is practiced there’s no harm in a little off-limits infatuation. Like my mom always said, “You can look, just don’t touch.”
Featured image via screengrab of Pretty Little Liars