Writing has always been my therapy ever since I was young. When my parents used to fight, I’d write a letter addressed to them instead of telling my friends. When I fight with my friends, I write down my frustrations. For example, when I had my first heartbreak, I came up with a list of why I won’t fall in love again.
Looking back at all my problems when I was younger, I can’t help but laugh because of my petty rants and shallow issues that didn’t really matter a few days after. I had a lot of instances where I had my feelings hurt. Some of my friends ignored me; I got upset when things don’t go my way; and certain people made me question my own self-worth.
I hated the world when I was young; wrote down all the reasons why life sucks and why we can never achieve happiness no matter how hard we try. I didn’t understand how the world works and I was naive enough to think that happiness is a right instead of a privilege.
My thoughts were messy and dark. I had questions that were endless and answers that didn’t make sense. I didn’t know what I wanted and I was unsure of who I was. Social expectations bombarded me with rules about how I should act and react. I experienced a lot of insecurity issues that affected how I view the world and those around me.
I consider my teenage years as one of my lowest points. But ironically, it was also during those times that I learned the most important lessons.
The darkest nights produce the brightest stars, the darkest moments create the strongest soldiers. Life teaches us what matters most even when we’re about to give in and surrender. We see the most important things when we look closely at what remains after all our suffering.
My diary entries were written by an immature, younger version of me and I realized how much I’ve grown and improved as a writer and as a person after reading her random rants and stories.
I no longer hate the world for not giving me what I want. I have finally understood that it’s impossible to always be happy—and that’s okay. There’s no need to pretend you have everything figured out because to be honest, no one really does.
There are times when I still find it hard to write but I always tell myself to continue writing down my life including all the good, the bad, and the crazy that comes along with the journey for the hope that someday, someone will learn something from my story.
Life is unpredictable alright, but that’s also what makes it worth fighting for.
Years from now, I want to look back and understand how I made it through life’s greatest trials—one diary entry at a time.