It’s only fitting that Underwood 2016 is washing across your screens this week. Netflix is about to drop Season 4 of House of Cards and what better timing than during the REAL American primaries? HoC has been so real for some of us, that we actually wish Frank was running instead of Trump…okay, maybe not. To save you the hassle of studying the storied history of Frank Underwood and his last three seasons of torturous reign, here is a list of all the moment you need to remember before you spend the weekend in front of your TV binge-watching Season 4.
- Doug gets the living daylights beaten out of him and left for dead at the end of season two, but magically survives into season.
- Doug, now semi-functional and almost healthy, gets Gavin to help him track down Rachel in exchange for lifting a ban on his passport. Too bad for good old Dougie, this comes back to bite him in the ass when Gavin tells him that Rachel is dead. Just kidding. Gavin lied to him and Rachel is alive and well. He’s just blackmailing Doug for another passport.
- Claire admits to being raped by general McGinnis and starts sexual assault legislation with woman in army who was also raped by him. She later says that she got an abortion as a result of this sexual assault, but really she was lying to cover her and Frank’s ass.
- Claire gets rejected as the UN ambassador, but Frank decides that Claire gets what Claire wants.
- Pussy Riot made the most random TV cameo ever right before a dinner with the Russian president, Petrov. The later go on to embarrass Petrov during dinner and as a result Corrigan is jailed.
- Jackie is slowly trying to get into the oval office and she is one of the few who can go head-to-head with Underwood. Instead, they convince Jackie to run a sham campaign in an elaborate ruse to throw support at Frank and have her elected as VP.
- At the press conference following Corrigan’s suicide, Claire blindsided Petrov and basically shows the world that she is the boss. After a horrible fight with Frank, she reminds him that “[she] never should have made him president”.
- Frank manages to get Freddy a job gardening at the white house – is that a human we see there, Frankie?
- Claire goes from blonde to brunette to blonde again faster than you can say dye job. In reality, this flip-flopping shows us how much control Frank and the Whitehouse have over Claire and how unhappy she really is.
- Dunbar, daughter of the wealthy family that owns the armored cars, has been practicing constitutional law and is assigned to work on the case that results in Walker’s resignation. She begins to pose a threat for Frank’s upcoming campaign so he tries to offer her the position of Supreme Court Justice after he convinces the current one, suffering from Alzheimer’s, to step down. No dice. She becomes the Democratic rival against Frank for 2016. Dunbar hopes to get Doug on her side to take down Frank but Doug remains loyal to the Underwood’s.
- Frank backstabs Jackie on national TV over a debate about private school. She immediately proceeds to drop out of the race and throws all of her support behind Dunbar.
- “Loyal” being the operative word. Doug blackmails Frank into making him chief of staff by using the journal that proves Claire lied about her abortion.
- Doug runs Rachel over after he initially let her walk free – talk about a messed up love affair.
- Claire up and leaves Frank just as the fun is getting started. With a very swift, “I’m not going to New Hampshire. I’m leaving you.” BOOOM.
- BONUS: Claire and Frank had a threesome with Meechum. You probably don’t want to remember this, but here it is anyway.
So, going into Season 4…are we finally done with the overdone Rachel scenes? Can we get rid of Gavin, because who really needs him anymore anyway? Can Jackie and Remy make it last? Will Claire go on to destroy Frank or will she come running back? WE NEED TO KNOW and thankfully it’s only 2 days and 13 episodes away. Make sure to clear March 4th, because it’s going to be one you won’t want to miss!
Collaboration with Gwen Poppe.
Featured image via screengrab of HoC Season 4 Trailer.
I am not leaving my couch this weekend.