We all want someone.
We see all the romantic comedies and even if we don’t like to admit it, bask in every single one. We spend those Sunday nights wondering why we can’t just have a man to spoon our behinds and play with our hair while we watch Bring It On, yet again.
Hell, we would even settle for that latest action flick if that’s what he wanted to watch. Actually, we’d be the best girlfriend ever. Yup, we’d be f*cking top-notch. We have superb cooking skills (okay, average), we would let him have his boys’ nights while being super chill and we really have the best ideas for date nights. I mean, we’ve seen enough movies and spent enough late nights in bed alone conjuring them up.
While we aren’t busy dreaming up scenarios that aren’t currently happening with boys who don’t exist, we are busy building a life of our own. School and work are a mere obstacle we conquer between late night activities with our girlfriends, killing it at the gym, and spending hours online dreaming up our next adventure.
We are planning our next volunteer mission trip, next backpacking trip, and next move. You plan on flying away after graduation, or on your next holiday trip as if these flights will take you to new heights and new beginnings.
I am speaking to you, adventurous souls. Completely unattached, we don’t consider anyone else’s feelings but our own as we fly across the country, around the world and make plans that are dependent on no one but ourselves.
This is a feeling I am very used to.
I have spent many days traveling from country to country abroad, not worrying about the next time I might get cell service. I have taken off for a summer job, not worrying about who might miss me. I have created a bucket list of places for myself, planning where I might head after graduation, or later in life, as if no one is trailing along. Or should I say, no one is dominating my thoughts.
What happens when you start to fall for someone?
So many of us lead this single life of where am I going next? I didn’t consider until now if this would change if I met someone I had real feelings for and if it went to the next level. If this happens, I might not dream up that crazy summer adventure because I’m too busy planning things with my beau. Would I even move across the country if I knew I would be leaving him? I would miss him. I would probably want to be wherever he may be.
To be honest, my bull-headed mind and the ideas I have for myself are too concrete not to go after what I want, so I probably still would try to take plunges into the unknown and jump to new flights. This could mean getting hurt. This could mean making things hard. This could mean missing someone; a feeling I am not used to. And maybe, because of all of this, it means slightly changing my plans. Morphing them to suit another’s.
To me, letting go of my free heart and my pick-up and take-off attitude is difficult, and something I consider with care. When do I know that these feelings and this guy is worth letting go of the very limber life I currently lead, ready to take off on a flight to anywhere at any moment? When do I decide that yes, I want to consider someone else in my life when deciding to take that flight?
If that special guy is an adventurer like myself, ready to take on the world with me, maybe I won’t have to compromise my take-flight lifestyle for a man. We can do it together.
But, I also wonder if this compromise is inevitable. That two people will always end up with different goals at some point or another, you can’t be on the same page ALL the time – you aren’t the same person. And, I wonder if this will eventually lead to me either comprising, or – in fact – leaving.
When do I know if the man is worth giving away a piece of my fleeting and carefree lifestyle? And considering I am still so young, and my priority is to experience everything and anything, I wonder,
Is it better to catch flights and not feelings?